I had this great blog forming in my head this past week. It was titled "Home" and talked about how I was DONE traveling for at least 3 months - how this would be the longest time I would be at home in at least 6 years - how much I was looking forward to just being at home nesting, being with Tony, getting the nursery ready - you get the picture.
Well, my travel pattern in the past 8 months has pretty much been travel a week and home a week - gone every other week. And that's about as long as I made it this time - almost a week.
My water broke a few days ago - Friday morning at 9am and now I find myself in a lovely hospital room at the U of U hospital. In a nutshell, I am 32 weeks along (out of 40) - I guess 30 weeks is a good marker to pass, but we're still definitely in the preemie stage.
What I didn't know is they can try to keep the baby inside the mom for weeks before it's born. And that's what they are doing with me.
So here's what happened. Like I said, my water broke. I was sitting at my desk at home, talking to my boss on the phone and suddenly a gush of liquid comes out of me and I think, "am I peeing my pants?" I knew I wasn't, but I couldn't figure it out for a bit. I yell for Tony to bring me a towel and it keeps gushing. It was really quite weird.
So Tony packs up some things for me and we head to SL Regional Hospital. I'm there for a few minutes (long enough for Janelle to take, oh, 50 pictures or so) and they transfer me by ambulance to the U because I'm so early and they have better facilities here (which really are amazing!).
The first day I was hooked up to a bunch of wires for 24 hours monitoring to see whether I would go into labor or whether I would develop an infection. Little baby Smart did great - great vital signs, lots of movement, he's head down which is good since he doesn't have a soft amniotic sack to help him move as easily. I'm doing great too - in spite of being poked and prodded.
We've now past the 48 hour mark. They are giving me steroids to stimulate the baby's lung development - which is the biggest concern right now. And they are hoping I can stay in this holding pattern for 2 weeks until the baby is at 34 weeks at which time they will induce me.
The amazing thing is I haven't had even one second of panic or fear. Even when my water broke. I feel completely at peace and am very calm. Tony and Uncle Keith gave me a Priesthood blessing which was very comforting as well. I feel like we are blessed and considering the circumstances, are in the best possible situation - both in terms of how my body, how our baby's body is reacting and the amazing level of care that the hospital and staff are giving us.
I do feel totally unprepared for the birth and our baby though. Our birthing class is scheduled for August 21st so I'm hoping to google some on-line birth classes. Any advice from anyone?
Mom and dad are flying out in a few days to help Tony shop and get the nursery ready. We don't have a mattress for the crib, bedding, diapers, car seat - all the necessities, but thank goodness for wi-fi and on-line shopping!
As always, Tony's been amazing. I tear up when I think of how good he is to me and how lucky I am to be with him. Yesterday I told him that I'm glad he's still alive. When he had a puzzled look on his face, I reminded him that he fainted several months ago when we were both sick with the flu and when I couldn't revive him, I had the thought, I finally get married at 42, he knocks me up and now I'm going to be a single mother. So yes, (it's an understatement), but I'm glad he's still alive.
I'm on complete bed rest with bathroom privileges which is a bit of a drag, but I have a lot of work to do to keep me busy and Tony takes me on wheelchair dates down to the lobby, to the parking lot to see the sun and get some fresh air, and just cruising the hospital.
Thanks for all the notes of support and for your prayers. They are much needed and appreciated!
Love to all,
Tony, Natalie and our little Smart baby
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
why I now keep an old t-shirt in my car with me...
(caution: this is a posting about throwing up)
I can't remember if I've mentioned this yet, but the nausea subsided around the sixth month, but the vomiting didn't. Basically, I am now bulemic. I can pretty much eat most anything, but at 32 weeks into the pregnancy, I still throw up about 3 times a week. But as long as the nausea is gone, I can totally handle throwing up. Or so I thought...
A few weeks ago, I was on my every-other-week trip in High Point, NC in my red hot Dodge Charger (rental car - not my color or car of choice). I had a nice breakfast of my usual cornflakes and strawberries and was on my way to work. I do need to mention that 100% of my vomiting has taken place after 4pm or so. And, I have made it to the bathroom (or kitchen sink on 2 occasions) everytime.
But for some crazy reason, at 8:45 am, without any nausea or warning whatsoever, I threw up...while driving to the office. I was about a 1/2 mile from the next intersection and I HELD IT IN MY MOUTH while looking around desperately for a solution to my predicament. No cups, no napkins, nothing within arms distance except for a t-shirt I brought with me with wishful thinking I might go work out at the gym.
So I grabbed the tshirt (remember the Old Navy $5 summer specials?) and out it came. Nasty.
On the way to work, I had to stop at the printer to pick up a proof. I'm standing at the counter while the woman is getting my proof for me and absent mindedly touch my chin. I feel dried vomit stuck to my chin.
Needless to say, it was a lovely day.
I can't remember if I've mentioned this yet, but the nausea subsided around the sixth month, but the vomiting didn't. Basically, I am now bulemic. I can pretty much eat most anything, but at 32 weeks into the pregnancy, I still throw up about 3 times a week. But as long as the nausea is gone, I can totally handle throwing up. Or so I thought...
A few weeks ago, I was on my every-other-week trip in High Point, NC in my red hot Dodge Charger (rental car - not my color or car of choice). I had a nice breakfast of my usual cornflakes and strawberries and was on my way to work. I do need to mention that 100% of my vomiting has taken place after 4pm or so. And, I have made it to the bathroom (or kitchen sink on 2 occasions) everytime.
But for some crazy reason, at 8:45 am, without any nausea or warning whatsoever, I threw up...while driving to the office. I was about a 1/2 mile from the next intersection and I HELD IT IN MY MOUTH while looking around desperately for a solution to my predicament. No cups, no napkins, nothing within arms distance except for a t-shirt I brought with me with wishful thinking I might go work out at the gym.
So I grabbed the tshirt (remember the Old Navy $5 summer specials?) and out it came. Nasty.
On the way to work, I had to stop at the printer to pick up a proof. I'm standing at the counter while the woman is getting my proof for me and absent mindedly touch my chin. I feel dried vomit stuck to my chin.
Needless to say, it was a lovely day.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Hormone Induced Irrational Thoughts...a very bad combination
So I thought I had already gone through a couple of hormonal episodes (I cried when my niece Sienna got hurt and cry whenever I see any missionary returning home at the airport), but after this week, I realize I clearly had not.
At my last doctors appt almost a month ago, my doctor suggested I start counting my baby’s kicking and movement. She said I might notice a pattern – which I did. In the early morning hours, my baby will wake up and start moving. A lot. So I start the timer for 10 minutes and start counting. He’s moved as many as 18 times in 10 minutes, but it’s usually more like 14 or 15 times.
But last Sunday morning I woke up and something felt different. I just didn’t feel pregnant, which is a feeling that I’ve found is totally impossible to describe to say, a husband. I also didn’t feel our baby move at all. Since it was about 5:30 am, I thought he must still be sleeping. After a long while, I started panicking and went to drink some orange juice to get him going (as my doctor suggested). Still nothing. I couldn’t help myself and started crying, hands on my stomach, gently nudging this way and that way. Nothing. I decided a couple of hours wasn’t long enough to go get checked at the hospital, so I kept waiting for movement.
Then I felt a little flutter. Not the robust kick that I’m used to by now, but a flutter. In the next 10 minutes he shifted slightly again. I did the 10 minute timer over and over again but he never kicked more than 2 or 3 times in the 10 minute intervals. My doctor said to watch for drastic changes which is what I felt was happening, but the pregnancy websites said to get checked if he moved less than 10 times in 2 hours. He was moving that much at least. We decided to wait it out.
We went to church and I felt him move a few times which of course brought me to tears again. I spent the rest of the day napping, resting, hands on tummy and counting. By Monday he was back to normal – doing his morning back flips and tossing and turning in the middle of the night when I’m trying to sleep.
But I was still a wreck. Over the past 7 months, I’ve grown used to a little being inside of me. And I’ve fallen in love. Add the fact that I there’s a fairly good chance, this might be our one and only chance for a baby and it creates a recipe for a classic hormonal breakdown.
At church, friends came up and asked “how’s the baby?” and I would have to choke back tears and smile and say “great”. I cried during all the talks. I cried when I got home. And I was on the verge of tears for the next two days. On Tuesday, I finally broke down and started sobbing for no reason at all. My baby was moving lots and I felt fine physically – just a wreck emotionally. It was like I was mourning the loss of our baby but feeling him move at the same time. Irrational.
I am happy to report I have since gathered myself together and am now composed. I didn’t cry today when I heard the baby’s strong heartbeat at my doctor’s appointment. I didn’t cry when I told my doctor about my horrible day on Sunday. I didn’t cry when the doctor said, “everything looks great.”
But after my first brush with those hormones, I am completely amazed at the power they had over my tear ducts, my mind and my body.
At my last doctors appt almost a month ago, my doctor suggested I start counting my baby’s kicking and movement. She said I might notice a pattern – which I did. In the early morning hours, my baby will wake up and start moving. A lot. So I start the timer for 10 minutes and start counting. He’s moved as many as 18 times in 10 minutes, but it’s usually more like 14 or 15 times.
But last Sunday morning I woke up and something felt different. I just didn’t feel pregnant, which is a feeling that I’ve found is totally impossible to describe to say, a husband. I also didn’t feel our baby move at all. Since it was about 5:30 am, I thought he must still be sleeping. After a long while, I started panicking and went to drink some orange juice to get him going (as my doctor suggested). Still nothing. I couldn’t help myself and started crying, hands on my stomach, gently nudging this way and that way. Nothing. I decided a couple of hours wasn’t long enough to go get checked at the hospital, so I kept waiting for movement.
Then I felt a little flutter. Not the robust kick that I’m used to by now, but a flutter. In the next 10 minutes he shifted slightly again. I did the 10 minute timer over and over again but he never kicked more than 2 or 3 times in the 10 minute intervals. My doctor said to watch for drastic changes which is what I felt was happening, but the pregnancy websites said to get checked if he moved less than 10 times in 2 hours. He was moving that much at least. We decided to wait it out.
We went to church and I felt him move a few times which of course brought me to tears again. I spent the rest of the day napping, resting, hands on tummy and counting. By Monday he was back to normal – doing his morning back flips and tossing and turning in the middle of the night when I’m trying to sleep.
But I was still a wreck. Over the past 7 months, I’ve grown used to a little being inside of me. And I’ve fallen in love. Add the fact that I there’s a fairly good chance, this might be our one and only chance for a baby and it creates a recipe for a classic hormonal breakdown.
At church, friends came up and asked “how’s the baby?” and I would have to choke back tears and smile and say “great”. I cried during all the talks. I cried when I got home. And I was on the verge of tears for the next two days. On Tuesday, I finally broke down and started sobbing for no reason at all. My baby was moving lots and I felt fine physically – just a wreck emotionally. It was like I was mourning the loss of our baby but feeling him move at the same time. Irrational.
I am happy to report I have since gathered myself together and am now composed. I didn’t cry today when I heard the baby’s strong heartbeat at my doctor’s appointment. I didn’t cry when I told my doctor about my horrible day on Sunday. I didn’t cry when the doctor said, “everything looks great.”
But after my first brush with those hormones, I am completely amazed at the power they had over my tear ducts, my mind and my body.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Irrational Fears and Incomplete Thoughts #1
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything – and there are a lot of reasons for this. First is my current identity crisis. I wanted to write about something other than being pregnant, but I honestly couldn’t come up with anything...which is what launched my identity crisis. I worried that I was losing all sense of my former self (which I worked really hard at and was quite content with…imperfections and all). I worried that I would only be able to talk about pregnancy and babies and how would that go over when I was amongst the high society with whom I usually mingle? I worried that I would forget everything I worked hard for i.e. a career that I really do love.
The second reason (there are lots of others, but I’ll spare you) is actually the very thing I decided to write about. The title of today’s posting…Irrational Fears and Incomplete Thoughts. In a nutshell, I have a bad case of baby brain.
Irrational Fear # 2 (my identity crisis is irrational fear #1).
So last night I babysat my sister’s three kids and their cousin Alden. Alden is a great kid – a three year old who rarely complains, who always obeys and seldom cries.
Until last night.
We started out on a fine note. A hotdog picnic in their pop-up trailer, followed by playing outside and then cartoons on TV while I gave my sciatic nerve a rest on the sofa. Right when I was just about to get the kids ready for bed, Alden randomly started crying and saying he wanted his daddy. The problem was he was in a sorta panic mode and anytime I tried to talk to him or come near him to comfort him he started screaming. Like Stranger Danger screaming. What do you do in a situation like that? I surely didn’t know.
The problem was I didn’t know anyone’s phone numbers on Janelle’s in-law side. I called 411 for his parents’ and his grandparents numbers. I called and texted everyone I could think of who might have a Baird number. Finally Faceook pulled through (doesn’t it always?) and I called Alden’s dad who spoke to Alden and calmed him down.
Until he hung up the phone.
I finally called back his dad who decided to come and get him even though Janelle was due home in a bit. After 45 minutes of crying so hard I thought he was going to pass out, I gave up - mostly because I really didn't know what else to do. I thought all those years of being the oldest child of six prepared me for motherhood. I thought I would be able to come up with ways to amuse, nurture or distract children. I thought I would be a good mother.
Until last night.
The rational thought would be, he isn’t your child, doesn’t really know you, isn’t even related to you. It will be different with your baby. But I’ve learned when you’re pregnant, irrational often beats out the rational.
Don’t worry – I’m not freaked out or overly frightened. Just humbled and yes, a bit irrational. But what would you have done?
The second reason (there are lots of others, but I’ll spare you) is actually the very thing I decided to write about. The title of today’s posting…Irrational Fears and Incomplete Thoughts. In a nutshell, I have a bad case of baby brain.
Irrational Fear # 2 (my identity crisis is irrational fear #1).
So last night I babysat my sister’s three kids and their cousin Alden. Alden is a great kid – a three year old who rarely complains, who always obeys and seldom cries.
Until last night.
We started out on a fine note. A hotdog picnic in their pop-up trailer, followed by playing outside and then cartoons on TV while I gave my sciatic nerve a rest on the sofa. Right when I was just about to get the kids ready for bed, Alden randomly started crying and saying he wanted his daddy. The problem was he was in a sorta panic mode and anytime I tried to talk to him or come near him to comfort him he started screaming. Like Stranger Danger screaming. What do you do in a situation like that? I surely didn’t know.
The problem was I didn’t know anyone’s phone numbers on Janelle’s in-law side. I called 411 for his parents’ and his grandparents numbers. I called and texted everyone I could think of who might have a Baird number. Finally Faceook pulled through (doesn’t it always?) and I called Alden’s dad who spoke to Alden and calmed him down.
Until he hung up the phone.
I finally called back his dad who decided to come and get him even though Janelle was due home in a bit. After 45 minutes of crying so hard I thought he was going to pass out, I gave up - mostly because I really didn't know what else to do. I thought all those years of being the oldest child of six prepared me for motherhood. I thought I would be able to come up with ways to amuse, nurture or distract children. I thought I would be a good mother.
Until last night.
The rational thought would be, he isn’t your child, doesn’t really know you, isn’t even related to you. It will be different with your baby. But I’ve learned when you’re pregnant, irrational often beats out the rational.
Don’t worry – I’m not freaked out or overly frightened. Just humbled and yes, a bit irrational. But what would you have done?
Friday, April 30, 2010
I'm not so tough...
People keep telling me to “enjoy my pregnancy”, but honestly, when do I have time to do that? The most I can muster is spending an extra few minutes in bed in the morning with my hands on my tummy feeling our little baby rustle inside me. I have to say, feeling the little flutters inside me is one of the most amazing things. I’d rank it up there with petting the whales in Baja and swimming with the Galapagos sea lions. But I’d rank it higher than those.
I’ve learned several things over the last month. First and foremost, I’m not as tough as I thought I was. This may not come as a surprise to my family. I thought I’d be fine working the tradeshow at High Point, but my feet told me otherwise. By the second day of the show, my feet were so swollen, I looked like I was walking on hot coals. I couldn’t fit into any of my shoes and had to wear flip-flops the entire show. Now this is a high-design, high-fashion show. I meet with editors of magazines, designers and people like Margaret Russell, the editor-in-chief of Elle Décor. She was so gracious and was so happy that I was expecting and completely ignored my flip-flops.
After two grueling weeks of swollen feet and a sore back, I flew back last Saturday to SLC. Tony picked me up from the airport and we drove straight to my aunt’s house for a family dinner. Trent and Sarah graduated from BYU so my parents and sister Melissa flew in for the big event. We had a lovely dinner (still can’t eat much more than fruit and “blah foods” like rice though).
Sunday night I woke in the middle of the night and knew I was seconds from vomiting. This has happened a few times before, but this was different than my usual pregnancy sickness. It was VIOLENT. I had to get up about 5 times in the night running to the bathroom. When Tony got sick too, I called my mom to see if they were sick. She called around and 6 of us had gotten sick. By the next day, 11 of us were. Apparently my cousins had the flu and it was a quick-spreading, nasty bug and we got it.
The second thing I learned is that I don’t want to be a single mom and for about 30 seconds, I thought that was my destiny. Tony had been throwing up quite a bit and we were both pretty weak. He got up to go to the bathroom and then I heard a horrible thud/crashing sound. I yelled his name and ran to the bathroom but couldn’t open the door. I could see his legs and feet – he had passed out and his body was blocking the door. I had to use my whole body to push it open. He was half reclined, facing away from the toilet with his body/head between the toilet and the wall.
The thing I remember the most is his eyes. It was like someone hit the re-set button. The pupils were dialated and were completely centered and fixed in the exact middle of his eyes. He was ash white, there was no sign of life in those eyes and it looked like he was dead.
I couldn’t move his body without his head falling and hitting the ground so I just tried to revive him. I would touch his face and say his name over and over again. I remember wondering if I should slap him like they do in the movies.
I couldn’t get him awake so I ran and got the phone and called 911. They were just about to send an ambulance when Tony’s eyes started flickering. It seemed like 5 minutes, but I guess he was out about 30 or 40 seconds. He started coming around and my heart started beating again.
The rest of the day as we were still sick in bed I kept looking into his eyes. I was amazed at how different they looked. There was life.
I’ve learned several things over the last month. First and foremost, I’m not as tough as I thought I was. This may not come as a surprise to my family. I thought I’d be fine working the tradeshow at High Point, but my feet told me otherwise. By the second day of the show, my feet were so swollen, I looked like I was walking on hot coals. I couldn’t fit into any of my shoes and had to wear flip-flops the entire show. Now this is a high-design, high-fashion show. I meet with editors of magazines, designers and people like Margaret Russell, the editor-in-chief of Elle Décor. She was so gracious and was so happy that I was expecting and completely ignored my flip-flops.
After two grueling weeks of swollen feet and a sore back, I flew back last Saturday to SLC. Tony picked me up from the airport and we drove straight to my aunt’s house for a family dinner. Trent and Sarah graduated from BYU so my parents and sister Melissa flew in for the big event. We had a lovely dinner (still can’t eat much more than fruit and “blah foods” like rice though).
Sunday night I woke in the middle of the night and knew I was seconds from vomiting. This has happened a few times before, but this was different than my usual pregnancy sickness. It was VIOLENT. I had to get up about 5 times in the night running to the bathroom. When Tony got sick too, I called my mom to see if they were sick. She called around and 6 of us had gotten sick. By the next day, 11 of us were. Apparently my cousins had the flu and it was a quick-spreading, nasty bug and we got it.
The second thing I learned is that I don’t want to be a single mom and for about 30 seconds, I thought that was my destiny. Tony had been throwing up quite a bit and we were both pretty weak. He got up to go to the bathroom and then I heard a horrible thud/crashing sound. I yelled his name and ran to the bathroom but couldn’t open the door. I could see his legs and feet – he had passed out and his body was blocking the door. I had to use my whole body to push it open. He was half reclined, facing away from the toilet with his body/head between the toilet and the wall.
The thing I remember the most is his eyes. It was like someone hit the re-set button. The pupils were dialated and were completely centered and fixed in the exact middle of his eyes. He was ash white, there was no sign of life in those eyes and it looked like he was dead.
I couldn’t move his body without his head falling and hitting the ground so I just tried to revive him. I would touch his face and say his name over and over again. I remember wondering if I should slap him like they do in the movies.
I couldn’t get him awake so I ran and got the phone and called 911. They were just about to send an ambulance when Tony’s eyes started flickering. It seemed like 5 minutes, but I guess he was out about 30 or 40 seconds. He started coming around and my heart started beating again.
The rest of the day as we were still sick in bed I kept looking into his eyes. I was amazed at how different they looked. There was life.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
funny things
A couple of funny stories (at least to me)...
So the woman who cuts Tony's hair asked him if I'm eating more fruits and smoothies or eating more salty things like chips. When Tony replied definitely fruits (I suddenly can't get enough oranges, strawberries or apples in my mouth), she promptly replied - you're having a girl! So there you have it. I might even cancel my ultrasound at the end of the month.
I have one (ONE!) pair of pants that still fit me. Sadly, I somehow lost them last week. I wore them Thursday night to our stake roadshow plays and on Friday, they were nowhere to be found. Tell me, how do you lose a pair of pants? On Saturday I finally asked Tony if he hid them from me. His reply: Honey, I hide your clothes from you all the time. I'm surprised you find them as often as you do.
(Later that day, I broke down and finally went maternity clothes shopping - painful!)
Since I work at home, I usually just wear sweats around the house. The elastic waistband does a belly good. But my belly is starting to protrude a bit which causes said elastic to slide down. So those pants those silly teenage boys wear that hang down so low? That's pretty much me. The other day we were unpacking some stuff and I had to get down on my hands and knees and put some stuff away. Tony was standing behind me so I said, "just so you know, I am fully aware that I am showing my plumber's cleavage." His reply, "yeah, I was going to say something, but I figured you have enough problems to worry about already."
So the woman who cuts Tony's hair asked him if I'm eating more fruits and smoothies or eating more salty things like chips. When Tony replied definitely fruits (I suddenly can't get enough oranges, strawberries or apples in my mouth), she promptly replied - you're having a girl! So there you have it. I might even cancel my ultrasound at the end of the month.
I have one (ONE!) pair of pants that still fit me. Sadly, I somehow lost them last week. I wore them Thursday night to our stake roadshow plays and on Friday, they were nowhere to be found. Tell me, how do you lose a pair of pants? On Saturday I finally asked Tony if he hid them from me. His reply: Honey, I hide your clothes from you all the time. I'm surprised you find them as often as you do.
(Later that day, I broke down and finally went maternity clothes shopping - painful!)
Since I work at home, I usually just wear sweats around the house. The elastic waistband does a belly good. But my belly is starting to protrude a bit which causes said elastic to slide down. So those pants those silly teenage boys wear that hang down so low? That's pretty much me. The other day we were unpacking some stuff and I had to get down on my hands and knees and put some stuff away. Tony was standing behind me so I said, "just so you know, I am fully aware that I am showing my plumber's cleavage." His reply, "yeah, I was going to say something, but I figured you have enough problems to worry about already."
Friday, April 2, 2010
Frequently Asked Questions
It’s funny how things backfire on me sometimes. For example, I’ve never enjoyed big birthday celebrations – I just don’t like the attention and everyone looking at me while they sing to me and I blow out candles. So I always brushed off suggestions for birthday celebrations. The result? More surprise birthday parties in the past dozen years than any person should have.
I really hadn’t planned on making a big announcement about being pregnant. I’ve just been telling people as I come into contact with them and a big Facebook type of announcement wasn’t in my plans. But when a seemingly innocent dream comment spurred several comments and even more FB messages to me, I decided to go Facebook public. And the number of comments, email and FB email messages since the big announcement has surprised me.
There have been a surprising number of questions – some of them the standard ones: when are you due and how do you feel? But there have been other questions that made me think I should probably document this amazing moment in my life.
So, at the risk of talking about myself too much (but what else do blogs do?), here are some thoughts and answers to those questions…it's rather long and detailed, so I won't be offended (and I won't even know) if you don't read it at all or stop reading after this paragraph. It's mostly for the sake of documentation afterall.
1. I am due on September 17th. I’m at 17 weeks now. However, because the doctor said “anytime in September”, I am visualizing September 2nd – my brother Trent’s birthday (sorry dad, but Sept 25th is just too far out there).
2. I am feeling better on most days. For several weeks I was violently ill in the evenings and I was feeling, well, like crap. I get sick in the evenings and lately only about 3 times a week. Although I did vomit 5 times last night.
3. I am definitely sleeping for 2.
4. I am 44 years old and this is my first baby which makes me high risk. Higher risk than most of the other 40-ish year old Mormon women who have had their 5th or 6th baby in their 40’s. But we’ve heard the heartbeat (a milestone which signals a significant reduction in miscarriage risk) and my doctor is keeping a pretty good eye on me. There’s still risk of miscarriage or downs syndrome, but we’re taking it day by day.
5. I have a huge fear of our baby having Downs.
6. We didn’t use any fertility methods. When we got married, I was 42 and we decided on the “Que Sera Sera” birth control method. After a year or so, we figured it wasn’t in the cards for us and I stopped tracking my cycle.
7. We actually were looking forward to adoption as a way to bring children into our family. I really thought (and still do) that we were meant to bring orphaned children into our home. By the time Tony was 22, both of Tony’s parents passed away. His mom passed away when he was 17. So he spent most of his adult life without a mom and a dad and it was really hard on him.
Four years ago I went on my first humanitarian trip with Southern Cross to the Sunflower Orphanage and absolutely fell head over heels in love with the children there. Becoming involved with helping those children helped fill a hole in my life. I was happy and content except I craved that feeling of caring for children. And helping improve lives of impoverished children…I felt completely satiated.
So I actually hoped we would end up adopting rather than having our own children. It’s hard for me to write this because it makes me feel ungrateful and unworthy. There are people VERY close to me who have struggled for years with childlessness and it absolutely breaks my heart. It’s very hard for me to explain, but while I am so very grateful for this baby, I’m also sad we’ve postponed our adoption plans.
We had actually started the foster adoption process when we found out I was pregnant and emailing the social worker we’d been talking to and telling them we needed to postpone our plans was heart wrenching. We considered continuing the foster adoption process, but the social worker strongly advised against it. We quickly saw her wisdom.
8. Yes, we are excited. I was admittedly, a bit freaked out when we found out (there’s an old blog posting about that if you want to torture yourself). I was in shock and a bit of denial – mostly because I was scared because I felt so dang old. But we are excited.
9. We don’t know yet whether we’re having a boy or girl, but we will DEFINITELY find out. We’re not the “want to be surprised” types. Tony wants a girl. I would like a boy. How’s that for mixed up? But I think we’re having a girl.
10. Tony has been simply amazing. He does 100% of the cooking, shopping, 90% of the laundry and cleaning. What do I do you ask? I work and pretty much sleep. Two days ago I mentioned that something in the fridge smelled (I have this amazing bionic nose now!) and the next morning he was up early and had completely cleaned out and disinfected the fridge, mopped the floor. The kitchen was spotless. I can think of a dozen things he does for me EVERY day. Last night he made homemade fruit leather because I can eat it without yacking. Sadly, I can’t think of many things I’ve done just for him lately (well, except grow his baby inside me).
11. I know everyone can’t wait for the time they put your newborn baby in your arms for the first time, but I can’t wait to see Tony hold our baby for the first time. Just thinking about it makes me cry (I’m tearing up right now).
12. Which leads me to the next topic. I really haven’t been that hormonal except I cry at the drop of a hat. But no temper, no extra moodiness. I just cry at every commercial or any sad thing. Last time I flew home, I was in the SLC airport and there were 2 missionaries returning home. I saw them and started WEEPING just imagining their homecoming. It’s not pretty.
13. Names. My family has a tradition of giving a Japanese middle name. Tony’s mom name is Kim so I’d like the middle name to be Kimiko. We’ll see. We can’t come up with many boy names, but we do like Ryan or girl names Sarah or Ellie. We have a huge family so pretty much every name has been used at least once.
14. I’m completely in love with this baby in my tummy. Right now I call her Sarah.
I really hadn’t planned on making a big announcement about being pregnant. I’ve just been telling people as I come into contact with them and a big Facebook type of announcement wasn’t in my plans. But when a seemingly innocent dream comment spurred several comments and even more FB messages to me, I decided to go Facebook public. And the number of comments, email and FB email messages since the big announcement has surprised me.
There have been a surprising number of questions – some of them the standard ones: when are you due and how do you feel? But there have been other questions that made me think I should probably document this amazing moment in my life.
So, at the risk of talking about myself too much (but what else do blogs do?), here are some thoughts and answers to those questions…it's rather long and detailed, so I won't be offended (and I won't even know) if you don't read it at all or stop reading after this paragraph. It's mostly for the sake of documentation afterall.
1. I am due on September 17th. I’m at 17 weeks now. However, because the doctor said “anytime in September”, I am visualizing September 2nd – my brother Trent’s birthday (sorry dad, but Sept 25th is just too far out there).
2. I am feeling better on most days. For several weeks I was violently ill in the evenings and I was feeling, well, like crap. I get sick in the evenings and lately only about 3 times a week. Although I did vomit 5 times last night.
3. I am definitely sleeping for 2.
4. I am 44 years old and this is my first baby which makes me high risk. Higher risk than most of the other 40-ish year old Mormon women who have had their 5th or 6th baby in their 40’s. But we’ve heard the heartbeat (a milestone which signals a significant reduction in miscarriage risk) and my doctor is keeping a pretty good eye on me. There’s still risk of miscarriage or downs syndrome, but we’re taking it day by day.
5. I have a huge fear of our baby having Downs.
6. We didn’t use any fertility methods. When we got married, I was 42 and we decided on the “Que Sera Sera” birth control method. After a year or so, we figured it wasn’t in the cards for us and I stopped tracking my cycle.
7. We actually were looking forward to adoption as a way to bring children into our family. I really thought (and still do) that we were meant to bring orphaned children into our home. By the time Tony was 22, both of Tony’s parents passed away. His mom passed away when he was 17. So he spent most of his adult life without a mom and a dad and it was really hard on him.
Four years ago I went on my first humanitarian trip with Southern Cross to the Sunflower Orphanage and absolutely fell head over heels in love with the children there. Becoming involved with helping those children helped fill a hole in my life. I was happy and content except I craved that feeling of caring for children. And helping improve lives of impoverished children…I felt completely satiated.
So I actually hoped we would end up adopting rather than having our own children. It’s hard for me to write this because it makes me feel ungrateful and unworthy. There are people VERY close to me who have struggled for years with childlessness and it absolutely breaks my heart. It’s very hard for me to explain, but while I am so very grateful for this baby, I’m also sad we’ve postponed our adoption plans.
We had actually started the foster adoption process when we found out I was pregnant and emailing the social worker we’d been talking to and telling them we needed to postpone our plans was heart wrenching. We considered continuing the foster adoption process, but the social worker strongly advised against it. We quickly saw her wisdom.
8. Yes, we are excited. I was admittedly, a bit freaked out when we found out (there’s an old blog posting about that if you want to torture yourself). I was in shock and a bit of denial – mostly because I was scared because I felt so dang old. But we are excited.
9. We don’t know yet whether we’re having a boy or girl, but we will DEFINITELY find out. We’re not the “want to be surprised” types. Tony wants a girl. I would like a boy. How’s that for mixed up? But I think we’re having a girl.
10. Tony has been simply amazing. He does 100% of the cooking, shopping, 90% of the laundry and cleaning. What do I do you ask? I work and pretty much sleep. Two days ago I mentioned that something in the fridge smelled (I have this amazing bionic nose now!) and the next morning he was up early and had completely cleaned out and disinfected the fridge, mopped the floor. The kitchen was spotless. I can think of a dozen things he does for me EVERY day. Last night he made homemade fruit leather because I can eat it without yacking. Sadly, I can’t think of many things I’ve done just for him lately (well, except grow his baby inside me).
11. I know everyone can’t wait for the time they put your newborn baby in your arms for the first time, but I can’t wait to see Tony hold our baby for the first time. Just thinking about it makes me cry (I’m tearing up right now).
12. Which leads me to the next topic. I really haven’t been that hormonal except I cry at the drop of a hat. But no temper, no extra moodiness. I just cry at every commercial or any sad thing. Last time I flew home, I was in the SLC airport and there were 2 missionaries returning home. I saw them and started WEEPING just imagining their homecoming. It’s not pretty.
13. Names. My family has a tradition of giving a Japanese middle name. Tony’s mom name is Kim so I’d like the middle name to be Kimiko. We’ll see. We can’t come up with many boy names, but we do like Ryan or girl names Sarah or Ellie. We have a huge family so pretty much every name has been used at least once.
14. I’m completely in love with this baby in my tummy. Right now I call her Sarah.
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