mama

Today is day 5 with Anna and this morning she called me mama. And yes, my heart melted.  We've had two days just to ourselves and have gone on walks and spent time just playing, reading and getting to know each other. And I just have to say, I love what I've learned in the past few days.



Day 2

This girl has spunk and she's stubborn. But she's no match for her mama. When she does or doesn't want something, she let's me know. A podcast called "traveling with your newly adopted child" had some sage advice "do not worry about creating bad habits or reinforcing existing bad habits while you are traveling" and I am trying to do just that. But that is much easier said than done. Because I feel like she is attaching much more than I expected, I'm already setting a few boundaries which she clearly doesn't like, but she accepts after a mere 5 seconds of crying or so.

She loves to laugh and be tickled. She has the cutest little raspy laugh. In the beginning it was hard to get her to smile, let alone laugh, but now everything is a game and is funny. She still has moments of darkness when she seems confused - mostly when I am putting her to bed at night or she when she first wakes up in the morning, but other than that, she's a pretty happy little girl.

She's pretty smart. When I say, "let's go Anna" she picks up my flip flops and hands them to me (remember, she doesn't know a lick of English). I can show her something like how to put a lid on a water bottle and she will remember what that funny blue object is for. And, she's learned the baby signs for "more" and "bread" in one day, she's copying sounds and starting to respond to her name "Anna".

She's a great eater - so far she's only turned away honey dew melon. She's eaten everything from American to Chinese food - I'm hoping this will rub off on chicken nugget Ryan.

She's a fabulous sleeper. After we get past the first fearful minute (it's so sad to see her scared little face), she just lays down and eventually drifts off to sleep. Knock on wood that this will continue!



Day 3 - touring the Shoulin Temple

All in all, she's doing great! I don't have any recent pictures since Tony left because my hands are full and he took the good camera home, but the pictures here are from day 2 and 3 so you can see she's doing pretty well - and it just keeps getting better day after day!

Anna and Tony

Tony meeting Anna for the very first time. She wanted nothing to do with either of us!

We were told that a child will usually "choose" one parent to attach to more than the other and so it was with little Anna. We figured it would be me because it is typically the mother and I also have a huge advantage being Asian. From the moment she stopped crying on Gotcha Day and wrapped her little body around mine (literally - she wraps her legs, body and arms completely around me), she has been my little shadow. In fact, she has been a bit afraid of Tony and she will cry if I leave the room or if he tries to pick her up. She has no idea what a wonderful daddy he is going to be to her. For now, he is just a huge white guy to her.

Tony has been a champ though. He certainly does not take it personally and he since he was leaving in a few days, his strategy was not to bond too much because it could be extremely harmful to leave a few days after bonding. He takes advantage of moments to relate to her like feeding her and giving her treats.

I think it was only the first night when Tony starting making funny sounds and faces and she started copying him. It was his first real connection with Anna.

Then on Day 2, we were at the Anyang passport office getting Anna's passport taken care of and she let him carry him. I hurried and snapped as many pictures as I could. Tony even sneaked in a kiss on the cheek.

Later on, she was back to being scared of him, but she has had a few moments here and there. As it is with most parents, it may take time for them to build a relationship. I am a "bit" (a lot) worried because I have the big High Point Market in October that I have to be at. It certainly isn't going to help Anna's sense of safety and security to have a parent leave them after a few weeks. But I am hoping it will be time for Anna to start learning that she has the best daddy In the world.

But we will take it a step at a time. All in all, I'm amazed at the progress she is making. Considering she has no idea where she is, who I am, can't understand what I am saying, she's being called by a new name (we call her Anna Jing to help the transition), she is doing remarkably well.

the rest of the first day and the following morning

I was told not to expect too much on the first day. And not to be overly ambitious like don't take Anna home and give her a scrub down in the tub, change her clothes and do her hair. So we didn't do just that. She was so quiet it made me sad. I wished I could tell her it was going to be ok, that we are her new mommy and daddy and we will love her forever. But no, she just looked at us with a very blank stare. We tried toys and books and that worked a bit, but she was very tentative. It broke my heart.

 

My mom sent a book and some toys - her first care package of many from the best grandma in the world. She loved the little animal book and I was able to take her finger and let her feel the textures of the animals. She carried the book around for a large part of the day.

 

That night, she slept amazingly well.  When I told Tony that having Anna sleep with us was a great way to attach, we both envisioned sleepless nights with a tossing, turning and jumping child between us - exactly how it is with Ryan. But from the moment I put Anna down for the night, until about 12 hours later, she hardly moved at all. She woke up once in the middle of the night, totally disoriented and started her heartbreaking silent cry and so I picked her up and hugged her and hugged her. After a minute, she fell asleep on my chest. Is there a better feeling in the world than your child sleeping on your chest?

On Day 2, Anna woke up and didn't know where she was, who the people in her bed were, what those people were saying and the list of unknowns goes on. I have a video of her sitting in bed just looking around and looking around. She still has that dark look in her eyes, but now that it is a few days later, I can tell you, the light came into her eyes just a short time later. She still has periods of fear and I see the darkness of fear creep back into her eyes, but I can usually coax that fear out of her with a hug.

So stay tuned, it gets better. In fact, I was amazed how quickly she started adapting.

Gotcha version 2 (with pictures!)

Anna Jing, still safe in her nanny, Xin's arms.

I don’t know how many times I’ve imagined our Gotcha Day in my mind. There are so many different versions I’ve played in my mind over the past days, weeks and even months. But I can’t say that how today played out was one of those many versions.

All 10 of the adopting families boarded our bus in the morning and the excitement and tension in the air was pretty thick as you can imagine. It was a short ride – maybe ten minutes – which wasn’t enough for me to settle my thoughts and feelings. For lack of a better description, I felt a little ADHD.

When we pulled into the parking lot, people on the left side of the bus exclaimed, “there they are” and then the bus filled with all kinds of chatter and ooo’s and awww’s. Just outside the door on the landing were two cute little toddler boys. 

When we saw these little ones, we couldn't get out of the bus fast enough.

Isha, our ccai guide said that the Anyang babies were already here and so we rushed in, quickly asked some people to take pictures and video for us, put our bags down inside the door and rushed over to the opposite corner where Anna and Nathan were sitting on a sofa with their nannies.  They were so adorable and had no idea what was going on. I had grabbed whatever was handy in my bag in my rush which ended up being a little stuffed animal.  

We knelt down in front of Anna and started talking in soft voices. We offered our teddy bear to her.  She looked at us with a blank stare and then firmly pushed the bear away. Now, I hadn't  imagined that anna would run into our arms with joy, but I also didn't expect that.  After what seemed like forever, I looked over at Laura. She had a little bowl of snacks that she held in front of Nathan who was calmly eating them.  Of course...Food!  I rushed back across the room to get the animal crackers I brought and we were in business. The first thing I learned about this little girl is she can put away food.

After several minutes, of trying many different things, her nanny said she was going to leave because she was making it hard. I'll write more about xin later though.

So Anna was in my arms and she was wailing. I had imagined a room full of crying babies on gotcha day but there was only 1 baby that was really crying.  Ours.  She was very attached to her nanny and was clearly heartbroken and frightened. I tried distracting her and moving her attention to other things, but nothing worked.

After maybe 15 minutes, she stopped crying, pulled her head back, looked up into my face for about a full minute and then put her head down on my shoulder and wrapped her arms and body around mine.

 

I was filled with joy, but doesn't the fear and sadness in her eyes just break your heart?

She still gets very scared and sad, and then she starts crying silently in the most heartbreaking way. But as soon as I hold my arms out to her, she in turn holds her arms out to me and I hold her as if her little life depends on it...which really, it does.
 



Our new little daughter, Anna Jing Smart.

 

Gotcha

I don’t know how many times I’ve imagined our Gotcha Day in my mind. There are so many different versions I’ve played in my mind over the past days, weeks and even months. But I can’t say that how today played out was one of those many versions.

All 10 of the adopted families boarded our bus in the morning and the excitement and tension in the air was pretty thick as you can imagine. It was a short ride – maybe ten minutes – which wasn’t enough for me to settle my thoughts and feelings. For lack of a better description, I felt a little ADHD.

When we pulled into the parking lot, people on the left side of the bus exclaimed, “there they are” and then the bus filled with all kinds of chatter and ooo’s and awww’s. Just outside the door on the landing were two cute little toddler boys. 

Isha, our ccai guide said that the Anyang babies were already here and so we rushed in, quickly asked some people to take pictures and video for us, put our bags down inside the door and rushed over to the opposite corner where Anna and Nathan were sitting on a sofa with their nannies.  They were so adorable and had no idea what was going on. I had grabbed whatever was handy in my bag in my rush which ended up being a little stuffed animal.  

We knelt down in front of Anna and started talking in soft voices. We offered our teddy bear to her.  She looked at us with a blank stare and then firmly pushed the bear away. Now, I hadn't  imagined that anna would run into our arms with joy, but I also didn't expect that.  After what seemed like forever, I looked over at Laura. She had a little bowl of snacks that she held in front of Nathan who was calmly eating them.  Of course...Food!  I rushed back across the room to get the animal crackers I brought and we were in business. The first thing I learned about this little girl is she can put away food.

After several minutes, of trying many different things, her nanny said she was going to leave because she was making it hard. I'll write more about xin later though.

So Anna was in my arms and she was wailing. I had imagined a room full of crying babies on gotcha day but there was only 1 baby that was really crying.  Ours.  She was very attached to her nanny and was clearly heartbroken and frightened. I tried distracting her and moving her attention to other things, but nothing worked.

After maybe 15 minutes, she stopped crying, pulled her head back, looked up into my face for about a full minute and then put her head down on my shoulder and wrapped her arms and body around mine.

She still gets very scared and sad, and then she starts crying silently in the most heartbreaking way. But as soon as I hold my arms out to her, she in turn holds her arms out to me and I hold her as if her little life depends on it...which really, it does.

Greetings From China!

Greetings from China (I wish I knew how to say that in Chinese)

It’s about 2 am in the morning.  Specifically the morning of the day we receive Anna. Tony pointed out that today is Labor Day in the US and said that’s how he feels – like he’s waiting in the labor and delivery room waiting for our baby to arrive.

What a crazy ride we are on. From the moment we landed in Beijing, it’s been non stop.  On our written itinerary, it listed for Sunday:  fly from Beijing to Zhengzhou and go to bank to exchange money. We figured we were in for a slow, relaxing day. I won’t go into the travel diary details, but we finished for the day around 7pm.

The highlights have meeting the other adopting parents and getting to meet them. Of course, I am drawn to Laura – little Nathan’s mom (Nathan is the little boy who is Anna's little friend - they have been together since they were about a month old). She is not only an amazing person, but also a fountain of information, both on adoption in general as well as specific info on Anna. I’ve loved chatting with her and feel like I have a new friend with the bonus that she is Anna’s little friend’s mom.  We also met Dan and Suzanne Fullmer from Washington. I could tell right away that they were LDS and it wasn’t just their 9 children that gave it away. They are adopting two older children, one of which is from our same orphanage so we may be traveling a bit together.

We went to Walmart in the evening – yes, Walmart. I’ve always thought the Walmart’s at home were chaotic, but this store put the word chaos to shame. The noise, the smells (they had a full fish market with live, freshly killed and dried creatures of the sea) and the crowd was almost more than I could bear. Mix in the heat and humidity and it made for the perfect overwhelming experience.

The agency gave us an information sheet from our child’s nanny with a ton of information including what they eat, etc. So we shopped for Nestle brand formula, Nestle brand rice cereal, bread, apple juice and her other favorite snacks. Then we had to buy diapers, estimating what would fit. This is when it REALLY became real. We were buying a ton of baby supplies for a 17 month old and really had no idea what she liked. SO different from a biological newborn baby where you have them from day 1 and learn what they like and dislike as they grow bigger. So it was at Walmart where I started to panic – what if she doesn’t like, or worse, can’t suck (a problem for cleft palate babies) from the bottle I brought with me. What if she doesn’t like the way I prepare her food. And even, what if she doesn’t want me to hold her or care for her? Given that her info said “afraid of strangers”, this was not an unrealistic fear!

But we managed to get through the Walmart experience. By then it was 6:45pm and my jet-lagged body was in full revolt. It wanted to be fed, bathed and put to bed and it wanted it now. There was a KFC next to Walmart so we grabbed a quick meal, headed back to our hotel room to eat and I was horizontal and out for the count by 8pm. Which is exactly why I’m writing this at 2am. I know I desperately need to sleep, but after tossing and turning since midnight, I gave in and decided to record my thoughts and feelings. Tony is up as well so we’re two creatures of the night getting ready for one of the biggest days of our lives.

Most of all, I want to write about little Anna. My eyes fill with tears every time I picture her little face. I know our life is about to change pretty dramatically and honestly, I am scared. I know all of the medical issues, the emotional issues, the attachment and life issues – each one of those categories are huge – but I know that we will be guided in our journey. We have no guarantee that it will be easy or fun, but I already know it will be worth it for each member of our family and especially for little Anna Jing.

I am so grateful for our Heavenly Father. I know He is with us on this journey. Most of all, I know he loves me and my family, including a little baby girl who He has watched over, protected and cared for in some of the most remarkable and amazing ways.

Elder Wilfredo Garcia

I think it's been quite a while since I've written about one of my favorite missionaries (his cousin Adril being the other favorite!).

Wilfredo's birthday is this week, so if anyone feels so inclined, he'd love to hear from you!  His email address is:   wilfredo.garcia.llaza@myldsmail.net.  His P-day is Monday so write to him as soon you finish reading this!.

The first picture is when he first arrived at the mission home in Ecuador (he went to the MTC in Columbia).  The picture below is getting ready to fly to Ecuador.

My mom tells me all the time that you never stop worrying about your kids. I thought I would stop worrying about this kid once he was actually on his mission because actually getting him on his mission was such a struggle that took several miracles.  But the first several weeks were heart wrenching for me.

For those of you who know sweet Wilfredo, you know how painfully shy he is. I still remember meeting him for the very first time. Most of the kids at the Sunflower Orphanage were so open and loving - they would hug you and you were instant friends. While the rest of the kids were dancing with us gringos, Wilfredo could barely make eye contact. But this kid, with his big brown eyes climbed into my heart and has camped there ever since.

The first few emails he talked about how hard it was and for me, those memories of the first few weeks of my mission flooded back to me. The schedule, the sore feet, adjusting to NEVER being alone, etc. Wilfredo was experiencing all of that plus he was really struggling with talking to people and knowing what to say. Around the 3rd or 4th week, he didn't write to me. And then he didn't write the following week. I started to panic. But after 3 weeks, he emailed me and told me he was doing better and he didn't want to write because he wasn't happy.

But take a look at this kid now...like my mom said, I will never stop worrying about this boy, but he's turned the corner. Not to say he won't have hard time ahead, but his emails are now about things that he needs (DVD's to help teach his investigators, church music to listen to) to do the work he left to do. 
 

So again, may I ask you to write to this young man?  Use Google Translator (that's what I do).  Even if you don't know him.  You can say you are a friend of Natalie's - tell him he's doing a good thing and that you will pray for him.

Because if anyone in this world deserves your prayers, Wilfredo certainly does.