God Grew Tired of Us

Last week Tony and I watched the documentary "God Grew Tired of Us" about the Lost Boys of Sudan. From the very beginning I was captivated and touched. So if you haven't already seen it, I highly recommend it.

The documentary focuses on just 3 of the more than 25,000 Lost Boys in Sudan and the 3800 who were able to come to the United States as refugees.

Every time I return home after a trip to a third or developing country, I'm reminded how truly blessed we are to live in such luxury. There is so much focus on the US economy right now, but it boggles my mind how our country can be in such an economic mess and yet the movie theatres are full, restaurants are full, shopping malls are full.

Whenever I travel to Peru, I'm reminded of what a blessing it is to enjoy our level of hygiene. Clean water from our faucets, washing machines, the ability to take a shower every day with soap, shampoo and clean towels. Truly amazing when you don't have it.

In the film, it shows the three boys (really, men) coming to the United States for the first time. On the airplane, they are confused by the airplane food and eat the pats of butter and packet of mayonnaise. At their apartments they are amazed by the lights being turned on with the flip of a switch and the different types of meats in their freezer.

Now, I know our economic problems are real and I'm not downplaying them by any means. But watch the movie. When you see life through the eyes of these boys, you realize how much we take for granted, how much we need to appreciate the life we enjoy and the family we have, and most of all, how much we need to treat each other with kindness, with respect and with charity.

another day, another bad haircut

The haircut incident was actually a couple of weeks ago before my Atlanta trip at the middle of the month. I thought by the time I got back from Atlanta that his hair might have either miraculously grown out or Tony would have taken Ryan to get a proper cut.

But this is what I came home to.

But, if you brush it to the side, it doesn't look so bad. In fact, he looks kinda like my cute little boy instead of someone who could be a stand-in on "Dumb and Dumber." Unfortunately, his bangs stay brushed for about 12.5 seconds.

At this point, his bangs are so short, I think there's no other recourse but to let it grow out for a week or two. I will be in NY for a week-ish so that should give it a bit of time to grow. And then I'll look into the age requirements for mousse and hair gel.

Mr Brown in Atlanta

I'm guessing people are probably tired of me showing the same tradeshow photos all the time, but besides Tony and Ryan, I don't have much else going on in my life. Sad, but true.

So here are some pictures from the Atlanta show a couple of weeks ago. It was actually a great show to do - compared to last year's January show, we had great weather. Last year was the crazy snow storm in Atlanta that turned into a giant ice field. It's probably the craziest ice I've ever seen in a big city. The show was a good one. Mr Brown is well into its 2nd year and going strong. There signs of a strong economic recovery (knock on wood) were everywhere. Last year our customers were cautiously optimistic with the cautiousness in the forefront. Now the cautiousness seems to still be there, but lurking somewhere in the back room.

A lot of our stores reported a really strong holiday season and an amazing first two weeks of the year (again, knock, knock on wood!). So here's to a great 2012.

Next up: Mr Brown and Julian Chichester in New York - show starts on January 28th - if you happen to be in NY, come see me!

Bad Hair Day

Since the day was Ryan was born, he's had good hair. In fact, at the risk of sounding completely conceited, Tony has said, if Ryan DOESN'T get good hair from us, we've done something seriously wrong.

So there you have it. We have good hair and we know it (actually, I've always disliked my super straight jet black hair, but I think Tony has fantastic hair for a middle aged man!). And lucky for Ryan, the hair genes kicked in. In fact, besides comments about being happy and cute, hair comments are probably the third most common regarding Ryan.

For the past few months though, the hair comments have turned from "I love his hair" to "when are you going to cut his hair?". His lovely locks were indeed getting long, but I loved it that way. I mean, it's not like he had dreadlocks or anything. But about 3 weeks ago, a new friend came over and said, "how old is your little girl?" Little GIRL?!

I began re-thinking the haircut thing.

I did break out the scissors and trimmed his bangs just a touch so they didn't hang in his eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to do much beyond that. And then one day, I was sitting at my desk in the kitchen (yes, I work in the kitchen now - all the better to watch the boys' activities) and I heard "oh no....". From the intonation, I knew it was something that was not dangerous, but definitely not good.

I turned around and there was Tony with a pair of scissors in his hand. Ryan was standing in front of Tony with a gleeful look on his face. He obviously had no idea that his own father had just massacred his beautiful head of hair.

Now I think Tony is a wonderful father. I rarely have to tell Tony how to parent and I seldom have to correct any of his fatherly skills. But this time, I couldn't contain myself. And then I had to call my mom. She responded, send me a picture. I'm sure it's not so bad.

So I did. She texted back, "it's not so bad."

And then I sent her another. She texted, "oh my....well, I'm not sure what to say now."

Lest you think I'm over-reacting....

Now, I do realize that bad hair is not the end of the world and there are starving children that are much worse off. But tell me, if you have a good thing going, why cut it?

greetings from Atlanta

Sometimes I feel like I live in a traveling bubble. I'm in Atlanta right now and feel like I've been here for two weeks. But the reality is, it's only been five days. Only five days?!

Whenever I go on a trip, I of course miss my boys. Tony is a champ holding down the fort and being a single dad. Most of the time I don't worry at all about Tony being able to take care of Ryan on his own. When I talk to many of my cousins and friends about Tony, I realize how amazing he is to be a single dad so often.

But today I talked to Tony for a little bit during the day and Ryan is sick. For the most part, he's acting his normal self - running, climbing and jumping, but he also wants to cuddle and be held much more than usual.

And Tony says he thinks Ryan misses me. That makes me cry just to write it. This is the first trip I've been on where Tony thinks Ryan misses me. That breaks my heart. And I hope it doesn't break his little heart.

Every night before I go to bed, I go through my photo library on my phone. I look at my favorite pictures and my favorite videos. Over and over.



For Christmas, we gave Ryan a big bottle of bubbles. I know, we're big spenders. He did get another toy that he loves, but more on that later.

That night, we blew bubbles over and over for our little boy. I LOVE watching his excitement, hearing his squeals and seeing the wonder in his face. It cracks me up when that bubble lands on his little nose.

Oh, that he could stay this small always and forever. Everyone keeps telling me that every stage gets better and better (until those teenage years!), but I'd love to have him stay the bubble-chasing little boy that I love in these videos.

has anyone seen my baby?

Sometime when I wasn't looking, my baby disappeared. And in his place is a darling little 17-month old toddler who I will gladly keep. But I miss my little baby.

Tony has a hard time understanding why I want Ryan to stay a baby because Ryan just gets funner and funner each day (isn't that like a man??). When I tried to explain that if Ryan keeps growing at this rate, he'll be leaving for college before we know it. And then what would we do with the rest of our lives?

I can hardly bear the thought.

But neither can Tony. Whenever I talk about Ryan growing up or graduating from high school or college or getting married or anything about him growing into an adult, Tony just about loses it. Really. I can honestly talk about Ryan going on a mission and Tony will get teary eyed. My big, strong husband is reduced to tears so easily sometimes. It's quite tender.

Anyway, back to my little baby. I do miss having a little newborn something terrible, but Tony's right. He is a pretty hilarious kid (and one who gives me little time to rest). Every time I turn my back he is climbing onto something. And that little reindeer he's holding? It used to have twig antlers and a bell and a tail. And that little red nose? Gone.

And even if all our holiday decorations are now broken, eyeless, noseless and antlerless. I'd trade all the holiday decor in the world for time with this little boy of ours.

Because our little boy, Ryan, the terror of all reindeer, is the best gift of all.

I've been crying a lot lately

It's true. And it's not because I've been watching cheesy Hallmark holiday movies. There are a lot of reasons lately and I'm not sure how to tie this together in a cohesive blog posting. So I'll just start typing and see where this takes us. hang on...there might be some sad moments...

On November 30th, my little brother Trent called with some sad news. A good friend of his, Jared Johansen, passed away in his sleep. Jared is young. I'd guess around 27 or so. He has a young, beautiful wife named Tiffany, a daughter who is a little older than Ryan and they are expecting another baby girl in January.

They are a beautiful family. Jared's parents are friends with my parents and are the salt of the earth type of people. And even though I only knew Jared as Trent's friend, my heart has been breaking for them.

Take a look at this and you'll see what I mean. http://www.jaredjohansenlegacy.com/

I don't mean to turn everything and make it about me, but I think the reason I've been so emotional is because this is my biggest fear. Being older parents, my biggest fear is leaving Ryan behind without any parents. Now you may think that is an irrational fear, but that is what happened to my dear husband. His mother passed away when he was 17 and his father when he was 22. And it breaks my heart when I hear him talk about what a desperately sad and lonely time it was for him.

And while he had older brothers and sisters, they didn't have a strong community around them - whether it was church or extended family or friends and it was a difficult time for Tony.

So back to my biggest fear of leaving Ryan alone in the world...it appears that a biological second child isn't going to be in the picture, so we're in the process of exploring other "options" to bring another child (or children??) into our family.

And believe me, that isn't easy. I'm still in the exploration phase and quite frankly, it's overwhelming.

Sure, we'd love to adopt a healthy, newborn baby, but really, a 53 and 45 year old couple probably isn't the first choice for a birth mom. Besides, there are so many babies and children in the world who are living in orphanages who need a home.

That led me to look at international adoptions. But again, the age thing. We're too old to adopt from most countries. Except for Special Needs adoptions in China, which quite honestly, is what I've been drawn to from the very beginning.

So I've been reading stories about children who need a home. I've been watching videos of children who have found their "forever family". And that is another reason why I've been crying a lot lately. I've also been researching foster adoptions again.

All these children in the world who need love and care. It truly is heartbreaking. I wish we could take them all into our home and love them and care for them.

So if you happen to see me with red-rimmed eyes or a stuffy nose, it's probably because I've just watched a video about a little baby in China who needs a cleft palate surgery...and a loving home.