February seems like a blur. A lot happened that I really should at least document so I don’t forget. I spent the better part of the month traveling – New York, California, High Point and a quick two-day trip to a cabin with my family. We also moved back into our newly remodeled home. How’s that for a month’s worth of activities.
But the event that I truly don’t want to forget is our dear friend Tony Peers’ funeral. Tony is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in December just before Christmas and she passed away at home with her children and husband around her on January 30th. We flew to California for her memorial and we’re so very glad we did. All five of her children spoke at the funeral – they are beautiful kids with so much faith. Her husband Steve wrote one of the most heart-wrenching talks (read by a niece). He said that after Tony was diagnosed and they knew her time would be short, they went to the temple. As they sat in the Celestial Room, Steve told her that seeing her enter the Celestial Room was the 3rd most beautiful vision he’ll ever see. Tony had a puzzled look on her face so he explained…
The first most beautiful vision he’s ever seen was the day they were married and Steve brought Tony into the Celestial Room. He then told her the second most beautiful will be when he passes away and sees Tony again and that today is the third most beautiful vision he’ll ever see.
See what I mean? Heart. Wrenching.
Tony’s best friend, Jana Rains also spoke. Her talk was so inspiring to me, that I emailed Jana for the talk. I’ve read it a few times, and if anyone out there is interested, it’s a beautiful read. Enjoy.
Tony’s Memorial
2/6/2010
We are all here today because, in one way or another, we’ve each been loved and touched and taught by Tony. Every person here has their own specific list of things they learned from her, but she and Steve asked me if I would share my list with you.
First, Tony was Tony by design. She may have been born with a buoyant nature, but as a child, she was shy and self-conscious. At an early age, however, she made the choice not to self protect, not to hide behind that barricade. She decided that the best defense was a good offense. Tony chose to practice a kind of fearless love. She had carefully determined that this particular selflessness and fearless love was a chief component of true joy. And so she deliberately fashioned her life to be a blessing to every single person she met. As a result, Tony had a million “best friends”. She knew the name and life history of her UPS man, her dry cleaner, her milk man and even the random people she met in parking lots.
This is because Tony chose Love over Fear and Love over self interest in every instance. She understood to her very core that the gospel of Jesus Christ is first and foremost a gospel of love and joy and peace. She understood that truly living that gospel is not the disciplined observance of a chore list of righteous deeds, but rather a simple change of the heart--turning it outwards . She also understood that there is tremendous power available to those who love without reservation and without thought of self.
Tony taught me that it is possible to let Love change my very nature and knowing this gives me tremendous hope and it gives me courage too.
Second, Tony believed in and practiced magic. As a natural cynic--I spend a lot of time sniping and wringing my hands--but Tony taught me that there is actual magic in optimism. She taught me that one of the governing principles of the universe is that heaven delights in delight.
When we were together, I was always astonished at the lengths people went to to help Tony do what she wanted to do. I came to understand that her delight was so infectious that other people just wanted in on it. People liked helping her. The universe liked helping her. I used to tease her that at any given moment at least six people were being ax murdered because their guardian angels were off helping Tony get to the airport on time.
She absolutely knew that life was delightful and that the whole universe was rooting for her success. And I watched heaven come through for Tony a thousand times in big ways and small. I really don’t think she believed in coincidence or happenstance--it was all magic. It was all miracle. And over the course of our friendship, she made me a true believer.
Tony wasn’t chained to facts of any kind and simply discarded those that didn’t suit her. She reinvented her history every time she told a story (and that made her a superb storyteller). I teased her all the time about the alternate dimension that the Peers family lived in, but I ultimately learned from Tony that her Rose Colored glasses were really corrective lenses.
Tony saw life in a much truer way than I. She understood the fact that reality is just a lot more organic and complex and fluid than our little peep-hole perceptions of it. She knew that the way to make magic happen was to expect it and to look for it and then be completely delighted when it happened.
Third, Tony taught me every important thing I know about real faith--about it’s nature and its power. She practiced a radical indifference to things that don’t matter and completely consecrated herself to those things that do. She made sure that she and God were always on the same page--that her will was aligned with his--then she did all she could possibly do and then let go and fully expected heaven to fill in where she fell short.
Tony’s faith also led her to understand the nature and worth of Dark Blessings--that just because something hurts or is hard or seems impossible to bear does not necessarily mean its not a blessing. Sometimes these dark blessings are really just the price we pay to become acquainted with God.
She also knew that some of the best blessings are bought at a price and that the greatest blessings can be purchased only with sacrifice. Tony has sacrificed what is absolutely most dear to her--precious time with her family. Her family has sacrificed what is absolutely most dear to them--the light of their home, their Tony.
I know for a fact that Tony would want me to tell her beloved family to look for big things. Her faith would tell you all to look for big things. Look for the blessings and miracles this heartache has bought you.
Lastly, Tony was the only person I’ve ever known well who had a pure heart. She was guileless. In all our escapades and travels and a thousand hours of conversation, I’ve never ever heard her say one unkind thing. How completely remarkable is that!
It wasn’t because she was pious or disciplined--it was because she simply could not see evil in anyone. Tony’s goodness was not something she put on like a new outfit--it was merely the manifestation of a pure heart.
In the Book of Matthew Christ says, “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God”. And Tony saw God. She saw God everywhere. She saw him in every situation, in every circumstance, in every human face. In fact, we are all here today, because somehow Tony looked past all of our quirks and flaws and she saw God in each one of us. Tony saw God everywhere.
Tony knew the secret of a joyful life is faith, hope and charity. Her life here on earth was a testament to the fact that the secret works. I know for a fact that she viewed this next phase of her life as a tremendous adventure full of thrilling possibilities. I know that the angels are greeting her as one of their own and with as much enthusiasm and love and delight as all of her legions of friends feel for her and that she will fit right in. No one will have an easier adjustment to heaven than Tony.
Unfortunately, Tony’s taken her effervescence and delight with her and we are left with this huge hole in our hearts. But I think the best way to fill that hole--to honor Tony and the holiest way to remember her, is to fill our own lives the the faith, the hope and the fearless love that she modeled. When the standard bearer falls, it is incumbent upon those close to pick the flag up off the field and carry it forward.
At the end of the movie “Camelot”, King Arthur looks out over the sea and says, “There are billions of drops of water in the ocean, but only a few sparkle.” We were all lucky enough to know one of those, and to have had our hearts changed as a result.
Tony promised me that if I would do this, she would be here today--and really, where else would she be--all the people she loves are here. And so Tony, before you head off to parts unknown, to do whatever it is that you’ve been called to do--I just want to tell you thank you.
Mom and Tony on our wedding day. Below is mom with a little Peruvian baby when we did newborn training with the women from the local village. Children love mom as much as she loves them.
Almost every year we run the Race for the Cure for mom - Brian, Rei, Janelle, me, Trent.
Mom in her day job - Children's Librarian. Can you see her red rudolph nose and antlers?
Mom likes to surprise the grandkids and fly out on Halloween. A few years back, she was the Snow Princess.
Building sandcastles in So. Cal with Brixen, Sienna and Jack.
My personal favorite, mom and dad at Racquel's graduation (double masters degrees!). To be fair, we were about 2 hours early, but really, this is a Ken and Carolyn classic.
Mom and Dad with Grandma Mano. Three of my favorite people.
More favorite people...Mom with Grandpa Inouye and her siblings - Jay, Ron, Vicki, Gerry, Grandpa, Mom, Donna.
I grew up with mom making wedding cakes. She's officially retired now, but still does cakes for the nieces and nephews (Mary Ann's cake).
