right up to the moon and back

When Ryan was in the NICU I think I cried every single day. I cried when I would see him looking like this...wouldn't you? I cried when they would stick a needle in him. I cried when he struggled with the tubes in his nose or mouth. Most of all, I cried when I had to say good-bye at the end of the day and leave him in the hospital.

And I don't think I've cried since the day we brought him home...until yesterday. I read books to Ryan once in a while even though he usually sleeps through them. Yesterday I read "Guess How Much I Love You" which has always been one of my favorite books. In fact, I gave this to Tony when we were dating. If you're a mom - or even if you're not - I'm sure you know this book.

But if by chance you've never read it, you should. Yesterday I did and I cried. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for this little baby. That he is in our lives and that he is healthy. I really didn't think I would be a mom so this feels like the biggest bonus blessing.

So yes, I cried when I read to my Little Nutbrown Hair whom I love to right up to the moon and back.

crazy days...crazy faces

I don't imagine I'll have much time to blog for the next 30 days or so. My company is launching a new company on October 17th and I have a to-do list that is stressing me out. But for now, here are a few pictures of our funny boy. Do all babies continually make funny faces?

And here's what's going on in the Smart house...

I had my third bout of my mystery illness since Ryan's birth. For some reason I get this weird illness that happens. My body starts aching, I get either a fever and/or the chills. Sometimes I get a bad headache. I go to bed for the night and either shiver or sweat and 15 to 20 hours later it's gone. My doctor doesn't know what it is....do any of you?

Ryan isn't sleeping very well. For the first several weeks he slept like a champ. But the last several nights he's been waking up every hour. Tony's been a champ and gets up to tend to Ryan and he usually ends up sleeping on the sofa with Ryan on his chest...which we're not sure is a good thing.

My work is crazy. Crazy. And it will be like this for several more weeks. We're trying to decide whether to fly back with Ryan to North Carolina for the big furniture market where we're launching our new company.

And one of these days I intend to write about something other than Ryan or being a mom. One of these days...

But with a baby as cute as this, what else is there to write about??

September 17th...

I've been mulling over what to write about on this day - September 17th - the day I've been focusing on since January - the day our baby was due to be born.

It's either the lack of sleep, the lack of time or the lack of creativity, but I got nothing. So I'm just going to type and see what appears in this posting....

After 6.5 weeks of mothering little Ryan, I am in sore need of a Parenting 101 class.

For the past week or so, we've been fretting over an infection Ryan had after his circumcision. As a result of the antibiotics he was on, the poor little guy has zero flora in his tummy and has been pooping about every 5 minutes or so. So you can imagine how sore his cute little bum has been. I've seen diaper rash on other babies before, but somehow it is SO much worse when it is your own little baby. Without going into a lot of detail, he has raw, open sores that, if his screams are any indication, are extremely painful.

We've been washing his little bum in the sink for over a week now. After the first few days of doing this, I called my sister to discuss the situation.

My sister: What diaper rash ointment are you using?
Me: Uh, the one you gave me.
My sister: Have you tried any others?
Me: There are others?

duh. Of course there has to be others. I would have hit myself on the head if my hands weren't soiled with baby poop.

My sister was at my house in less than 15 minutes with 3 other kinds of diaper rash ointment. And she said: You should call your doctor to see what they recommend.

Me: I can just call my doctor and ask for a diaper rash ointment recommendation?

So call I did. And our pediatrician (Dr. Kathleen Omara whom I already love as much as Dr. Markus and Dr. Baker) said to get Triple Paste. And they have it at Smiths!

Triple Paste is magic. It worked like a charm and Ryan's little open sores are now healing. He's off his antibiotics and we hope he'll be pooping a bit less very soon.

In 6.5 weeks of his life, he's conquered his 4th infection, his horrible diaper rash, learned to eat as a preemie, graduated from the NICU....and most of all, taught his mommy and daddy how much they LOVE having a baby to care for.

make over

Today marks 6 weeks since Ryan was born. It's a magical date in terms of my recovery from the C-Section.

At 6 weeks I can exercise - which I did this morning! I took it easy and did 20 light minutes on the eliptical machine, but it was enough to break a sweat. I'm declaring today the first day of my post-partum makeover.

Along with my impressive 20 minute workout (yes, you read sarcasm in that), I chopped off my hair. It wasn't quite enough to donate to Locks of Love, but it was close. I just couldn't wait a minute longer. In fact, I resisted the urge to shave my head. But I do have bangs again. And, if I do say so myself, they are rather cute. The best part about my new haircut is I just put gel in it and let it dry and it looked passable for presentable - which is exactly the look I'm going for.

At 6 weeks I can take a bath - which I plan on doing tonight. Between breast feeding and carrying Ryan around, I believe I am developing a bit of a hunch back. I think I'm going to splurge and get a massage too.

At 6 weeks I can vacuum! (I've never known how to spell that word) This has been driving me crazy. Whenever someone asks what they can do for me, I ask them to vacuum. My mom thinks I need to wait another 2 weeks, but I'm going to sneak it in and see how it goes. What's the big deal with vacuuming (that spelling really can't be right) anyway?

And at 6 weeks, I feel like I'm getting this baby thing. Ryan is still adorable, but dang, he takes a lot of time. I've been working full-time for a few weeks now and feel like I'm getting a system of feeding, laundry, cleaning down.

Here's to another 6 weeks!

enjoy

When I was pregnant, people were always telling me to "enjoy being pregnant." I totally didn't get that. How do you enjoy nausea or throwing up everyday? How do you enjoy swollen feet, insomnia and heartbearn? Not that I'm complaining. I'm really not. But really, how do you enjoy all of that?

I did enjoy feeling little Ryan move inside me. I remember certain movements that seemed really weird to me. Like shaking. I told Tony that I thought our baby was having seizures inside of me. When Ryan was in the NICU, I would spend hours - HOURS - just holding him. He would wiggle and squirm in my arms.

And I would recognize those movements in my arms as very same movements in my tummy just a few weeks ago.

Now that we have Ryan at home, people are once again telling me to "enjoy him", to "enjoy having a newborn", to "enjoy being a mom."

Now THAT, I get.

Eight more days?

It's always interesting for me to see the baby counter on the right side of this blog --->

I'm also still subscribed to a couple of pregnancy websites and receive weekly emails telling me where I should be in my pregnancy - some of my favorite email subject lines: "Preparing for the hospital" and "Preparing for a C-Section".

It's quite strange that Ryan is now 5 weeks old and we're still a week away from his due date. But we're still so glad to have him home.

We've been fighting yet another infection. We took Ryan to "visit the Rabbi" as Tony calls it last week and he's been a bit fussy (can you blame him??). A few days ago he got an infection so we're fighting his third infection in his short little life. But today he feels much better, which makes me feel much better.

grandma and grandpa

My parents are here again...sigh of relief!

My mom was planning on flying out Saturday morning and late Friday I received an email with my dad's itinerary. I guess he couldn't resist and booked a last minute flight for the weekend - mom stays until Sunday.

When mom kept telling me she could come out, I kept telling her "we'd love to see you anytime, but we're doing great so no pressure". Well, now that she's here, I don't want her to leave. For those of you who know my mom, know what an amazing woman she is. Ryan is lucky to have my mom and dad for grandparents. Here are a few pics of grandma and grandpa...

Dr. Markus

When Ryan was first born, we had a team of three great doctors - Gary, Jenny and Markus. Gary's time at the NICU was over after just a week of us being there. Jenny left after a couple of weeks and Markus left just a few days before Ryan went home. We got attached to all of them, but Markus was taking care of us almost the whole time. I cried when both Jenny and Markus left.

So how do you express how grateful you are to the doctors who took such great care of your little newborn baby? There was a time when I was really scared because Ryan looked so sick and lethargic. The hardest thing about being a NICU mom is you feel so helpless. And that's why we are so grateful to Markus and the rest of the staff - they helped me overcome that feeling. I felt like they were doing everything possible to help Ryan.

Markus knew our schedule and would faithfully come seek us out to give us a daily report (he was actually the only consistent person we talked to - the nurses changed every day, the doctors left after awhile and we never got to know the new doctors). He was patient as he answered our numerous questions. And most importantly, he made us feel like Ryan was the most important patient he had.

So Markus, if you're reading this, Ryan had his first doctor appointment today and weighed 6 lb 4 oz and is doing great! Also, we wrote a letter to Dr. Bloom and dropped it off the day Ryan was discharged. If you want a copy of the letter, email us at: smartnatalie@hotmail.com and I'll be happy to email or mail you a copy.

Several times a day (and night), we look at our beautiful little boy and are so grateful to the hospital, the doctors and nurses and especially Markus for the wonderful care we received. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!