love and hate

I remember a story I read in a Sherry Dew book years ago.  Mind you, it really was years ago and my memory is what you would expect from a 47-year-old-mother-of-a-two-year-old.

She recalled an experience driving in the dark with her niece.  The niece was fascinated with the beams of light coming from the headlights.  She asked her aunt something about how the light beams were able to shine through the darkness.  While she stumbled over an answer, her niece exclaimed something like, "oh, I get it, the light is stronger than the dark."

I've always loved that.  Light is stronger than dark.

And today, I really, really, REALLY need to remember that.

It's been a tough week.  I took a red-eye on Sunday night to the east coast.  With very little sleep, I arrived at the office in the afternoon.  Have you ever known someone - at work, church, among friends, family, or anywhere, who really just didn't like you?

I have such a someone in my life.  And this week we confronted the situation.  Today we went to lunch, and that someone had a long list of complaints about me.  When we finished, I understood why this person didn't like me because based on what I just heard, I didn't even like myself.

It's tough...really tough to get some negative feedback...especially when you don't believe it.  Apparently, I emanate negative energy, among many other not-so-nice things to all those around me.  At least according to this person. 

So now I am vascillating between the denial and anger steps and can't seem to get over that bridge to the next steps.

But I do know a few things...

positive is stronger than negative
light is stronger than dark

On that note, happy valentines day.  And remember...

love is stronger than hate

What's on your bookshelf?

When I was around 5 years old, my mom (who is now a children's librarian) started me on a summer reading program.  Every week we went to the library and checked out a stack of books.  And for every book I read, my mom would write the title on an oval piece of colored paper - maybe around 6 inches tall and 4 inches wide.  There were several different colors of the ovals.  Then she would tape that oval really high on my wall in my bedroom and link the ovals together.  They created a bookworm - my summer reading bookworm.

Thus began my love of reading and of books.  The first home improvement project I made to my first home was to build a bookshelf.  I loved that wall of books with the built in arch and painted blue background. 

During my high school years I stopped reading for fun - I guess with sports, church activities, work and school, I just didn't have time to read anymore.  It wasn't until my freshman year at college that I realized with a shock that I had stopped reading for fun.  Luckily, I had a roommate who was a voracious reader.  Beginning with The Princess Bride, my love of reading was reborn.

Since then, I read pretty much non-stop...until I got pregnant.  I think it was a combination of exhaustion and nausea that put the stops, but I completely stopped reading and didn't start until Ryan was about 6 months old which, oddly enough, was about the same time that Ryan began sleeping through the night.

Last year, I read some amazing books.  I fully intended on writing a review about them, but, well, you know how blogging intentions go.  So, here is my readling list from 2012:
1.  Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand - non-fiction account of the amazing Louis Zamperini.
2.  Gideon by Marilyn Robinson.  A re-read of one of my favorite novels.  Beautifully written story but you really have to be patient with this one.  It has a subtle plot that unfolds and you just have to enjoy the writing and the journey.
3.  Home by Marilyn Robinson.  Sequel to Gideon.  Another favorite.
4.  The Hummingbird's Daughter by Luis Alberto Urrea.  Okay, I'm just going to say all of these books are favorites unless otherwise noted.
5.  Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.  I usually resist the latest book fad, but Tony bought it for me.  Yes, it was disturbing, but I read it in 24 hours.
6.  Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins.  Ditto
7.  Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins.  Ditto
8.  Entreleadership by Dave Ramsey.  I'm addicted to Dave Ramsey podcasts.  This business book did not disappoint, although I could do without all of the scriptural references.
9.  Stolen Lives by Malika Oufkir.  Non-fiction.  If you haven't already, just read it.  You will never complain about your life again.
10.  Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro.  Interesting and thought provoking, but not one of my favorites.   A great book, but it had some pretty stiff competition this year.
11.  Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese.  LOVED this one.
12.  In the Shadow of the Cypress by Thomas Steinbeck (son of THE Steinbeck).  It was no East of Eden...
13.  Islands of the Sea by Isabel Allende.  Love her writing.
14.  The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes.  Took my awhile to get into it, but about 50 pages in, I couldn't put it down.
15.  Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn.  Beyond disturbing, but a definite page turner.  Total fluff read.
16.  Buddha in the Attic by Julie Otskua - AMAZING.  If you are a relative of mine, you must read it. 

So far in 2013:
1.  Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo.  I thought this was a novel until I read about how she spent about 4 years living in the slums in India.  Fascinating and sad.
2.  A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson.  Hilarious account of hiking the Appalachian Trail.  I have taken that off my bucket list.
3.  Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.  Another disturbing page turner.  If you are offended by language, don't read it.

If you're still reading this, I need a book recommendation...I'd LOVE to what your favorite book you read was in 2012!

the best birthday

For about a dozen years or so now, I've celebrated my birthday either in New York or on a plane to New York.  Generally, it hasn't been a big deal.  I turned 47 last Saturday and true to its schedule, the New York Gift Fair helped me ring in my new year. 

I'm not sure why, but this year it was hard.  The Marriott Marquis is sometimes generous in upgrading my room and this year was no exception.  A great view of Times Square, but for some reason it just made me sad.  Sad that I had a great hotel room in a beautiful city and I was by myself.  I know, pathetic right?  I generally don't enjoy a lot of attention on my birthday, but you still like to spend the day with those you love.

So as I was feeling sorry for myself, a young man half way around the world was experiencing a miracle.  And it was that miracle that snapped me out of my wallowing in self-pity. 

Two of my favorite boys in the Sunflower Orphanage have graduated from high school and have aged out of the home.  I've written quite a bit about Adril who is about to hit his one year mark on his mission in the Lima West Mission in Peru (a fun update and pictures from Aril coming up!).  Adril's younger cousin is Wilfredo.  Wilfredo stole my heart the first day I met him.  He is painfully shy and will hardly talk with or even look at people. 

Over the past 6 months we've been trying to help him go on an LDS Mission.  Leonidas helped him get his doctor and dental work done (no small feat for this boy) and get his paperwork completed.  And then for some reason, Wilfredo moved to a small town a few hours from Lima.  In the meantime, we didn't know what happened to his mission call.

I felt a bit of inspiration to reach out to a friend, Will, but I didn't know him all that well.  So instead, I contacted another friend Kathy who in turn talked to Will.  A day later, Will called me while I was in Atlanta and let me know he was on it.  He knew a bunch of key people in Peru and they were all working on the situation.

Here's the deal.  Wilfredo only communicates with us on FaceBook messenger so we have to catch him when he is online and then my Spanish is horrendous (and his isn't all that great either!).  It all seems so simple to write about now, but after a series of miracles and answers to prayers (and I am not exaggerating when I say MIRACLES), Wilfredo received his mission call last Sunday at his branch.  He is going to Ecuador, Guayaquil North mission and reports to the MTC on June 5th.

There is no way this boy could have done it without the help of Will, President Calderon, Elder Hooker and many others.

Wilfredo wrote to Kathy that he cried tears of joy when he opened the envelope and read the letter.  I cried too.  Hard.  I'm amazed at how many people took the time to help just one person.  It reminded me about what the scriptures say about the worth of a soul.  A month ago I was SO anxious and terribly worried about this boy.  I couldn't figure out a way to get money to him, I couldn't figure out a way to help him receive his mission call, I couldn't figure out a way to communicate with him without the help of Facebook and Google Translate.  A month and many miracles later, he's on his way to the best experience of his life.

And honestly, it made me feel absolutely silly about being lonely in my hotel room in New York on my birthday.  What does that matter when God is working miracles in Wilfredo's life?

And really, there isn't a better birthday present than this.