Irrational Fears and Incomplete Thoughts #1

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything – and there are a lot of reasons for this. First is my current identity crisis. I wanted to write about something other than being pregnant, but I honestly couldn’t come up with anything...which is what launched my identity crisis. I worried that I was losing all sense of my former self (which I worked really hard at and was quite content with…imperfections and all). I worried that I would only be able to talk about pregnancy and babies and how would that go over when I was amongst the high society with whom I usually mingle? I worried that I would forget everything I worked hard for i.e. a career that I really do love.

The second reason (there are lots of others, but I’ll spare you) is actually the very thing I decided to write about. The title of today’s posting…Irrational Fears and Incomplete Thoughts. In a nutshell, I have a bad case of baby brain.

Irrational Fear # 2 (my identity crisis is irrational fear #1).

So last night I babysat my sister’s three kids and their cousin Alden. Alden is a great kid – a three year old who rarely complains, who always obeys and seldom cries.

Until last night.

We started out on a fine note. A hotdog picnic in their pop-up trailer, followed by playing outside and then cartoons on TV while I gave my sciatic nerve a rest on the sofa. Right when I was just about to get the kids ready for bed, Alden randomly started crying and saying he wanted his daddy. The problem was he was in a sorta panic mode and anytime I tried to talk to him or come near him to comfort him he started screaming. Like Stranger Danger screaming. What do you do in a situation like that? I surely didn’t know.

The problem was I didn’t know anyone’s phone numbers on Janelle’s in-law side. I called 411 for his parents’ and his grandparents numbers. I called and texted everyone I could think of who might have a Baird number. Finally Faceook pulled through (doesn’t it always?) and I called Alden’s dad who spoke to Alden and calmed him down.

Until he hung up the phone.

I finally called back his dad who decided to come and get him even though Janelle was due home in a bit. After 45 minutes of crying so hard I thought he was going to pass out, I gave up - mostly because I really didn't know what else to do. I thought all those years of being the oldest child of six prepared me for motherhood. I thought I would be able to come up with ways to amuse, nurture or distract children. I thought I would be a good mother.

Until last night.

The rational thought would be, he isn’t your child, doesn’t really know you, isn’t even related to you. It will be different with your baby. But I’ve learned when you’re pregnant, irrational often beats out the rational.

Don’t worry – I’m not freaked out or overly frightened. Just humbled and yes, a bit irrational. But what would you have done?