we're really moving now!

da da

There's a reason why "da da" was Ryan's first word. It's because he's completely and totally fascinated with his daddy.

When Tony walks into the room, Ryan's face literally lights up.
When I'm feeding Ryan, he waves to daddy at least 5 or 6 times.
When Tony sings to Ryan, he squeals with delight.

Tony says Ryan does the same to me, but I know better. There is something special about their bond. I think it's because Tony's a single dad about once a month and they have their male bonding time without mommy around.

And knowing daddy will sneak a treat for him doesn't hurt either...

sick baby...sad mommy

warning...lots of references to poop (but no pictures)...read at your own risk...

Ryan's been sick. Not horribly sick. In fact, if you didn't know, you wouldn't be able to tell from just watching him. He's his usual happy, funny, little boy. But he's got the runs and a horrible diaper rash.

On Sunday we went for a little hike up the canyon. Ryan loves watching Abby run all over like a mad dog and he loves watching the leaves and the trees. And this time, Ryan especially loved hearing the water in the creeks. We had such a nice time.

But when we got home, Ryan was sitting in a pool of poop. And it wasn't pretty.

On Monday afternoon he started pooping every hour on the hour and it was painful both for Ryan and for us to watch him suffer. He'd poop and then cry. Now this little boy doesn't cry very much and when he does, he doesn't cry for long. But if he's got a reason to cry, boy, it is heartbreaking to hear. It's genuinely so SAD sounding.

So Tony and I would take him into the bathroom where we had a makeshift changing station by the sink. Ryan was crying in pain the whole time. We'd wash his little red bum by squirting warm water and then pat it dry and slather it with diaper rash cream. And as soon as he was diapered and clean, he would start smiling again.

But an hour later, we'd start all over.

Those of you mothers out there know what I'm talking about. And I know you're going to tell me you never stop worrying. And you never stop hurting when your child hurts.

The thing is, I always knew my parents loved me. I knew they hurt when I hurt.

But now, I get it. I really get it.

So for all the times when that hurt wasn't from natural causes like a skinned knee or from uncontrollable forces such as the dumb boy I was dating...for all the times when that hurt was because I chose to hurt you or others, I'm sorry.

Because if that hurt is anything like watching Ryan cry as I washed his little red bum, well, I'm just sorry. So so sorry. But I'm also grateful for you. So so grateful.

And I love you. So so love you.

mother of the year

Becoming a first-time mother a little later in life brought a few fears. I feared the natural mothering instinct might have faded over my single years. So I'm strangely comforted when I hear Ryan crying and I instinctively understand that he is in trouble. But I'm also disturbed that when I run and find my child has crawled over one side of the barstool and is stuck, I run to find my camera before extracting him and comforting him in his distress.

But I AM proud that I can identify potentially harmful objects that might poke an eye out or skewer a soft tummy. Especially when my little one is perched on lofty benches that are 3/4 as high as his little body.

And of course, I'm happy to report that we've created challenges and obstacles for Ryan to overcome. Because after all, that which does not seriously harm or maim must make you stronger right?

So I hereby nominate myself for mother of the year.

Ryan and Cousin Mia

On Sunday, the family all came over for dinner at mom and dad's. Uncle Paul (we missed Auntie Gerry who was in Maryland celebrating Ethan's birthday), Jeni, Erin, Dave and Joshua, Lauren and Aaron, Matt and Kim, Gary and Racquel, Melissa, David and Angie and little cousin Mia! This was our first time meeting cousin Mia and she's as cute in person as she is in pictures. We tried and tried taking a cute picture of the two of them, but SOMEONE wouldn't quite cooperate. As you can see, Ryan was more fascinated with the bow in Mia's hair than with Mia.

Thanks mom for a yummy dinner!

life's a beach

My favorite things to do at the beach:

1. Watch the waves, surfers, people. The waves were huge that day - bigger than I've ever seen them at Santa Cruz. And the people...there wasn't any shortage of people watching that day.

2. Sleep on the beach....aahhh....there's nothing better than sleeping with the sun on your face, the wind in your hair and the sound of the waves in the background. Mom, Miss and I all got a bit of a beach snooze in. Lovely.

3. Play with Ryan. He wasn't too sure of the sand at first and he definitely didn't like the freezing cold northern california ocean. But after a while, he was shoveling with the best of them.

4. Ride the carousel.

Ryan wasn't too sure about the ride. I'm not sure if it was the horse moving up and down and around and around or the funny grandpa in the horse ahead of us taking pictures like the paparazzi.

The main reason we go to Santa Cruz is to ride the carousel at the Boardwalk. It's an old classic carousel with beautifully painted horses. And the trick on this carousel is to choose a horse on the outside so you can grab a ring and throw it at the clown.

In the above picture, Melissa is just about to grab a ring out of the arm that sticks out from the wall. There's orange, yellow and black painted at the end. See it? Once you grab the ring, you have about 1 second to get ready and throw it in the clown's mouth below...

I think Melissa might have gotten a bulls-eye here. When you throw it in his mouth, his eyes light up. And they definitely look lit up.

We love coming to the beach....so much so that we found a little beach house that we might try to stay at next year!

there's no place like home

We just returned from visiting my parents in California. We flew to CA last Thursday night. Friday morning, my parents went to the gym early (I was tried to go but was uninvited) and while they were gone, my sister Melissa (who lives in Hawaii) called on their home phone. Our conversation went something like this:

Miss: I thought I called mom and dad...did I call your phone by accident?

Me: Nope...I'm at mom and dad's.

Miss: I didn't know you were going home - when did you get there?

Me: We got here last night.

Miss: What are you doing today?

Me: We're headed to the beach.

And then my sister - did I mention she lives in Hawaii? - walks into my mom and dad's kitchen!

I was totally shocked and frankly, a bit confused. We were still talking on the phone so I can hear her on the phone and then I see her in the kitchen. I jumped up and hugged her and started crying.

So Day 1? pretty darn fun. We headed to Santa Cruz for Ryan's first real beach experience. It was a tad bit on the cold side, but so, so fun.

Thanks for the fun surprise Auntie Melissa!