terrible two's

I thought I understand why they coined this phrase, but I realize now that I really had no idea.  My little boy is delightful, he is entertaining and at nearly 22 months, he is also very well entrenched into his terrible two's.  Several times a day I repeat to myself, "this too shall pass."

So here are a few delightful photos for you experienced mothers to chuckle at....It would be MUCH better if you could hear the whining and tantrums.  Enjoy!

He used to be a champion eater - ate pretty much anything we gave him, but now, we can't get him to eat any veggies.  He'll still eat baby food veggies, but he won't eat any table food.  Go figure.  So he's still on baby food veggies.  But fruit?  We LOVE fruit.  Especially Greek yogurt and our own strawberry/banana mix or blueberry oatmeal.  But we seem to wear as much as we eat.

And we're still watching a bit of TV, although I try to limit it to 30 minutes a day.  I call it my 30 minutes of sanity.

But most of all, we're just trying to have fun with this little boy of ours.  Because we're so new at this at such an old age, we really get a kick out of the funny things kids do.  Like sit in drawers.  Who does that?

a not so glamorous traveler's life

Last Monday I flew to Las Vegas just for the day.  I love day trips.  Besides being able to sleep in my own bed that same night, I didn't have to pack.  For this trip, I didn't take anything but my handbag and phone.  No laptop or even iPad.  I'm a pretty light traveler as it is, but to me, this was traveling heaven.

Even better, someone else was footing the bill.  At first they said they would send a driver to pick me up and I imagined an older gentleman by the baggage carousel holding a "Natalie Smart" sign.  I have to admit, I rather liked that idea.  But it seemed a bit fussy for little ole me.  In the end, my boss said he'd pick me up since he flew in the night before.  He didn't think it was very funny when I asked him to wear a hat and hold my "Natalie Smart" sign. 

We grabbed a quick refreshment and headed to our meeting which took all of an hour.  We had a short tour and then lunch was on them!  They even had the courtesy to ask whether or not we wanted to dine alone to discuss their proposal.  We took them up on the offer (to dine alone that is).

Lunch was lovely.  It was more than lovely, it was fabulously delicious and I was starving since I began my travels at 7am.  We headed back to chat with our host for a bit and that's when the nausea hit me.  It creeped slowly at first, but quickly gathered steam until I had to excuse myself.  Sorry, but it must be said.  I lost my entire lunch in about 5 seconds. 

It's a good thing I brought some breath mints.  I splashed some water on my face, popped a mint and headed back.  I felt MUCH better and was pretty sure it was a one-round episode.

I was wrong.

About an hour later I told my boss that I wasn't feeling too well and asked if he minded me catching an earlier flight home.  We were basically done with business anyway.  So we headed off to the airport which was just about 15 minutes away.  My boss is a delightful man.  He is from London and besides having a lovely English accent, he's just a charming person with interesting stories and opinions.  And he was in great form...but I was not.

I was sweating profusely and because the air conditioning was on (it was 102 degrees outside!), I starting shivering.  I had to vomit again and I felt incredibly weak like I might pass out.  So I rudely interrupted his story and blurted out "I think I'm going to throw up!"

We were on the freeway and the airport was the next exit so we didn't have many options so I just said, "Can you just drop me off at the airport?"  It was only a minute or so away so I buckled down, clenched my teeth and told myself I would make it.  Then we took a wrong turn into the parking garage and had to exit the airport and try it again.  I seriously thought I was going to toss my cookies and thought "at least it's a rental!"

We pulled up to departures and I bolted while hoping I wouldn't faint.  My boss called out, "do you want me to come in with you?" and I said no and carried on.  It was freezing in the airport, I was both shivering and sweating and I just prayed I wouldn't pass out.

I made it to the bathroom and (sorry again!) bent over that porcelain bowl and a hurricane force spewed out of my mouth and nose.  Believe you me, that nose part was painful.

So whenever anyone tells me I'm lucky to travel so much, boy, do I have a story for them.  And unfortunately, it was not the first, second or even tenth time getting sick while traveling.  I could write a book about the Top 10 grossest public toilets over which I have vomited.

Yes, I am aware this is way too much information, but it's my blog and if you got this far, well, do I even need to apologize?

Elder Adril Garcia Perez

Elder Adril Garcia Perez

One of the dearest children at the Sunflower (but they are ALL dear!) is Adril.  Each of those children have a special place in my heart, but Adril and his cousin Wilfredo, well, they have their own room.  Everytime I would go to visit them, Adril would remind me that he wanted to come to the US to live with me and go to school and that he wanted to go on a mission for our church. 

Tony and I tried to bring him here, but we were obviously unsuccessful.  So we turned our efforts to helping him serve an LDS mission.  It took several years and just as many miracles, but he is now Elder Adril Garcia Perez, a missionary in the Lima West Mission.  There are so many people who have helped us with this process and monetarily.  We are definitely not the only ones who have helped him.  I would love to call him "my missionary" like any other missionary mother out there, but I am well aware that he is not mine.

But can I just say that he does call me mama?  Now, there are several women who volunteer at the Sunflower who are Mama to the kids, but everytime he calls me mama, it absolutely melts my heart.  And the best part of it is he called us on Mother's Day.  We spent about an hour on Skype and it felt like I was talking to my own son.  I am so incredibly proud of him.  He has overcome so many obstacles and has had to fight tooth and nail to be the person he is today and to be serving a mission.

Let me back up just a bit...there is another boy from the Sunflower, Hilario, who came to the US as well and is living with a family that is just about 2 miles from us.  How amazing is that.  He hasn't been here very long and we hadn't been able to see him yet.  So Hilario came over to our house so he could talk to Adril.  BUT, Adril didn't know he would be here.  The video wasn't working when we first started the call so I had Hilario just say a few words without identifying himself.  Adril paused for a few seconds and then he yelled "HILARIO!" with such excitement and happiness in his voice.  It truly was priceless. 

So back to Adril, he is SO happy as a missionary.  He has a companion from Ogden - I failed to get his name (shame on me especially since that good Elder translated my terrible Spanish for Adril).  He feels so grateful to all the people who have helped him over the years.

He told me about how his Papi Leonidas saw him off at the airport when he left for his mission.  He told me how Leonidas told him he was proud of him and how much he loved him.  That really meant a lot to him.  Papi Leonidas and Mami Eunice take care of the kids at the Sunflower and they are truly wonderful people.

He specifically asked me to thank Dr. Gary Chambers who is the doctor who operated on Adril's feet several years ago.  Adril was born with 6 toes on each foot and Dr. Chambers removed the extra toes.  Adril asked me to tell Dr. Chambers that if it weren't for him, he would still have to buy shoes that were much too large for his feet to make room for that extra toe.  As a missionary, with all the traveling on foot, he was sure it would have been a problem.

Adril in his wheelbarrow after his foot surgery in December 2007.

So to each and every one of you who have helped Adril over the years, thank you from Adril.  When I asked him if he needed anything, he replied "letters!" (and a backpack and a watch).  But if we take care of the backpack and watch, will you write him a letter?  His maill address is:  adril.garcia@myldsmail.net and his mailing address is (hint, hint, EVERY missionary LOVES getting mail!):

Elder Adril Garcia Perez
Mision Peru - Lima Oeste
carlos salarerry #3664-los olivos
casilla de correo 39-054
lima 39
perú

some thoughts on Mother's Day

I still remember when I was a twenty-something, a woman was telling my mom how she hated Mother's Day.  I was shocked.  How was that possible?  It was like a child saying he hated Christmas.  Unfathomable.

But then I quickly understood.  There are women who have lost a child or their mother, there are women who are single and yearn for a marriage and children, there are women who are struggling with infertility.  And then there are mothers whose child/children have taken a different path than the one they hoped for and there are feelings of sadness, or mothers who simply think they don't measure up / aren't perfect / feel guilty for real / imagined reasons.

Myself?  While I didn't get married until age 42 and wasn't sure even then that motherhood would be in the picture, I felt at peace.  Or maybe it wasn't exactly "peace", but I had accepted my situation and wasn't unhappy or bitter about it.  And my own mother?  Well, let me just say, I am blessed.  And now I have this Curious George-like monkey-boy of a son in my life.  And I don't know that I could feel anything but gratitude and love for this little one.  I could go on and on about how much I love being a mother and how much I love my mother. 

But today, my thoughts are with those women (and even men) who feel sadness on this day.  I know there are those who feel a profound emptiness because they are either single or haven't been able to have children.  I know there are those who have lost their mother - especially those like my own dear husband who lost his mother earlier in life.  I know there are mothers who worry night and day about the choices their children make (including my own mother worrying about me and my siblings).  I know there are mothers (me) who feel guilty for the little things you do and shouldn't or don't do and should.

So to those women, I'm not going to tell you platitudes such as "if it's meant to be, it will be" because I HATED it when people told me that.  I'm not going to tel you (even though I actually do believe this) that we are all mothers to all the children (and even some of the adults!) in our lives. 

I AM going to tell you that my thoughts are with you.  That I am sorry for the sadness, the loneliness, the pain and the sorrow this day brings.  And more than anything, that I sincerely do believe that you and I have a Heavenly Father who knows your sorrow and your sadness and your pain. And most of all that He loves you, He knows YOU and He is there for you.

doggie!

"doggie!" was Ryan's answer when I asked him whether he wanted a little brother or a little sister.  I guess I shouldn't take it to literally since "doggie" is what he calls almost all animals these days - kitty, goat, deer, sheep, pig, you name it.  And at 20 months, I didn't really expect an answer from him, but "doggie??"  But I'd be lying if it didn't make me think twice about our adoption plans.

I'm surprised by the number of people who have emailed and have said they are interested in hearing more about our decision to adopt and how we came to the decision to adopt a special needs child from China.  Not that I thought we were, but it appears we are not alone in our quest to produce a family.

I don't think it comes as a surprise to anyone who knows us well that we were pursuing adoption.  Afterall, we did spend our "real" honeymoon in Peru at the Sunflower Orphanage.  If it were possible, our house would be full of those beautiful Peruvian children.  And we had just decided to start the adoption process a few weeks earlier when I first felt the queasiness that told me our family might be off to a different start than adoption.

Pregnancy, with all it's ups and downs and mad dashes to the bathroom was quite an experience, but it didn't present the multitude and magnitude of decisions that we've faced so far with our adoption journey.  Not everyone will be interested in hearing all the details, but someone might be.  It's not an easy explanation and might best be explained in the research we did and how we ruled some options out (and in).

One of the possibilities we seriously considered is foster adoption.  Working with that population of children - the child who is taken away from their biological parents and into the custody of the court system - has always been near and dear to my heart.  When I lived in the South Bay, I volunteered as a Child Advocate with the CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) program.  It is basically a Big Brother/Big Sister program on steroids.  You go through a thorough training program for several weeks and are actually legally appointed by the court to be a special advocate for a child.  You have weekly visits, you talk to foster parents, biological parents, school teachers, social workers and write court reports and make recommendations to the court on behalf of your child.

I loved that volunteer work.  It was important and invaluable.  And I loved the children I worked with.

That was MY reason for wanting to foster adopt.  Tony's reason was much more personal.  With his mother passing away at age 17 and his father passing away at age 22, he was an orphan at an earlier age than most of us.  And in spite of having siblings and extended family, he struggled because, well, no one can really replace your parents.  So for Tony, foster adoption is, putting it mildly, very appealing.

One of our main reasons for adopting is so Ryan will have a sibling close in age.  To try to adopt a foster child close to Ryan's age means we would bring in a child to our home that is "legal risk" meaning the first objective is to reunite that child with their biological parents.  I've been through that and felt I could handle loving a child as my own and then "giving them up" to their biological parents.  But I was pretty sure it would break Tony's heart.  And I didn't want to think about Ryan becoming attached to a sibling just to have that sibling leave our home.

So, for now, we've ruled out foster adoption and hopefully, that "for now" will come back into play at some point in our lives.

But at the risk of a really long post, can I put a plug in for foster adoption?  I listen to a foster adoption podcast.  If by chance, you see me on an airplane with tears running down my cheeks, I'm probably listening to one of those podcasts.

The BEST podcast I've ever heard on foster parenting was in response to their most asked question:  doesn't it break your heart when one of your foster children leave your home?

Tim and Wendy (the foster parents) explained SO beautifully, that YES, it breaks our hearts.  The went on to explain is that one of the hardest things for a child in the foster systemto do is to form attachments.  So that is their task.  To help that child build and create attachments.  So they love that child unconditionally.  They do everything they can to help that child feel safe and secure.  They spend their days and nights helping them with their schoolwork, supervising visits with their parents, working with social workers and teachers so they can live as normal a life as possible.  And in so doing, they become ATTACHED.  That, in a nutshell, is their job.

So when a child leaves their home, they hope it is heartbreaking for both the child as well as themselves.  But they also hope that they have created a situation where the child is able to understand the situation and deal with the situation with further damage.  So, if their child becomes attached, it hurts.  But it's also their job.

So again, although we've ruled out foster adoption for now (again, "for now"), we hope to someday have that blessing.