expectation management

On Mother's Day, we had a lesson in church about holding onto faith through our trials.  It was a great lesson and actually seemed pretty pertinant to the mother's day theme since motherhood certainly does not come without trials.

There were a few women who, with no small amount of tears, talked about friends or family members who became angry at God for the trials they had to endure.  There is no way I could ever judge a woman who has lost her husband to an accident or a mother who has had a child endure horrible illness or death.  There is no way I could ever judge someone who was angry at God for these things. 

But it made me reflect on my life's mantra, which is to manage my expectations.  And while I often joke about how handy this mantra is when seeing a movie or when I was single and dating, I think it is just as applicable when we apply faith in God.

Of course, we can - and should - always hope and pray for miracles, for a happy and joy filled life, for a silver lining in every trial.  But especially now with all the tumult of adoption, employment and medical insurance, I have to remind myself that a peaceful assurance from a loving Heavenly Father does not mean that I will only see rainbows and roses for the rest of my life or even the foreseeable short-term future.  I think that may be where the anger at God comes in - when we don't manage what we expect God to do for us.

The peace I felt when I prayed whether or not to continue with the adoption proceedings is not a guarantee that little An Jing will be free from medical or emotional issues.  The confirmation that I felt when I went to the temple is not a promise that we will not struggle with employment, finances or medical insurance.

And that is exactly why I have to constantly fight the anxiousness, the worries and the sleepness nights.  When I'm tossing and turning, I try to remind myself of what He HAS promised:  that we will not be alone and that we will not be given any trial that we are unable to endure.  But that leaves a lot of room for a lot of things!

But I also have the peace of mind that I really do believe this is our Heavenly Father's will because MY will was to postpone the adoption until we were a bit more stable.  And with that, I carry on.  Hoping and praying for roses and rainbows while managing my expectations just enough so that I will (hopefully) remember not to be angry and bitter when a thorn pricks my finger or storms come our way.