People keep telling me to “enjoy my pregnancy”, but honestly, when do I have time to do that? The most I can muster is spending an extra few minutes in bed in the morning with my hands on my tummy feeling our little baby rustle inside me. I have to say, feeling the little flutters inside me is one of the most amazing things. I’d rank it up there with petting the whales in Baja and swimming with the Galapagos sea lions. But I’d rank it higher than those.
I’ve learned several things over the last month. First and foremost, I’m not as tough as I thought I was. This may not come as a surprise to my family. I thought I’d be fine working the tradeshow at High Point, but my feet told me otherwise. By the second day of the show, my feet were so swollen, I looked like I was walking on hot coals. I couldn’t fit into any of my shoes and had to wear flip-flops the entire show. Now this is a high-design, high-fashion show. I meet with editors of magazines, designers and people like Margaret Russell, the editor-in-chief of Elle Décor. She was so gracious and was so happy that I was expecting and completely ignored my flip-flops.
After two grueling weeks of swollen feet and a sore back, I flew back last Saturday to SLC. Tony picked me up from the airport and we drove straight to my aunt’s house for a family dinner. Trent and Sarah graduated from BYU so my parents and sister Melissa flew in for the big event. We had a lovely dinner (still can’t eat much more than fruit and “blah foods” like rice though).
Sunday night I woke in the middle of the night and knew I was seconds from vomiting. This has happened a few times before, but this was different than my usual pregnancy sickness. It was VIOLENT. I had to get up about 5 times in the night running to the bathroom. When Tony got sick too, I called my mom to see if they were sick. She called around and 6 of us had gotten sick. By the next day, 11 of us were. Apparently my cousins had the flu and it was a quick-spreading, nasty bug and we got it.
The second thing I learned is that I don’t want to be a single mom and for about 30 seconds, I thought that was my destiny. Tony had been throwing up quite a bit and we were both pretty weak. He got up to go to the bathroom and then I heard a horrible thud/crashing sound. I yelled his name and ran to the bathroom but couldn’t open the door. I could see his legs and feet – he had passed out and his body was blocking the door. I had to use my whole body to push it open. He was half reclined, facing away from the toilet with his body/head between the toilet and the wall.
The thing I remember the most is his eyes. It was like someone hit the re-set button. The pupils were dialated and were completely centered and fixed in the exact middle of his eyes. He was ash white, there was no sign of life in those eyes and it looked like he was dead.
I couldn’t move his body without his head falling and hitting the ground so I just tried to revive him. I would touch his face and say his name over and over again. I remember wondering if I should slap him like they do in the movies.
I couldn’t get him awake so I ran and got the phone and called 911. They were just about to send an ambulance when Tony’s eyes started flickering. It seemed like 5 minutes, but I guess he was out about 30 or 40 seconds. He started coming around and my heart started beating again.
The rest of the day as we were still sick in bed I kept looking into his eyes. I was amazed at how different they looked. There was life.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
funny things
A couple of funny stories (at least to me)...
So the woman who cuts Tony's hair asked him if I'm eating more fruits and smoothies or eating more salty things like chips. When Tony replied definitely fruits (I suddenly can't get enough oranges, strawberries or apples in my mouth), she promptly replied - you're having a girl! So there you have it. I might even cancel my ultrasound at the end of the month.
I have one (ONE!) pair of pants that still fit me. Sadly, I somehow lost them last week. I wore them Thursday night to our stake roadshow plays and on Friday, they were nowhere to be found. Tell me, how do you lose a pair of pants? On Saturday I finally asked Tony if he hid them from me. His reply: Honey, I hide your clothes from you all the time. I'm surprised you find them as often as you do.
(Later that day, I broke down and finally went maternity clothes shopping - painful!)
Since I work at home, I usually just wear sweats around the house. The elastic waistband does a belly good. But my belly is starting to protrude a bit which causes said elastic to slide down. So those pants those silly teenage boys wear that hang down so low? That's pretty much me. The other day we were unpacking some stuff and I had to get down on my hands and knees and put some stuff away. Tony was standing behind me so I said, "just so you know, I am fully aware that I am showing my plumber's cleavage." His reply, "yeah, I was going to say something, but I figured you have enough problems to worry about already."
So the woman who cuts Tony's hair asked him if I'm eating more fruits and smoothies or eating more salty things like chips. When Tony replied definitely fruits (I suddenly can't get enough oranges, strawberries or apples in my mouth), she promptly replied - you're having a girl! So there you have it. I might even cancel my ultrasound at the end of the month.
I have one (ONE!) pair of pants that still fit me. Sadly, I somehow lost them last week. I wore them Thursday night to our stake roadshow plays and on Friday, they were nowhere to be found. Tell me, how do you lose a pair of pants? On Saturday I finally asked Tony if he hid them from me. His reply: Honey, I hide your clothes from you all the time. I'm surprised you find them as often as you do.
(Later that day, I broke down and finally went maternity clothes shopping - painful!)
Since I work at home, I usually just wear sweats around the house. The elastic waistband does a belly good. But my belly is starting to protrude a bit which causes said elastic to slide down. So those pants those silly teenage boys wear that hang down so low? That's pretty much me. The other day we were unpacking some stuff and I had to get down on my hands and knees and put some stuff away. Tony was standing behind me so I said, "just so you know, I am fully aware that I am showing my plumber's cleavage." His reply, "yeah, I was going to say something, but I figured you have enough problems to worry about already."
Friday, April 2, 2010
Frequently Asked Questions
It’s funny how things backfire on me sometimes. For example, I’ve never enjoyed big birthday celebrations – I just don’t like the attention and everyone looking at me while they sing to me and I blow out candles. So I always brushed off suggestions for birthday celebrations. The result? More surprise birthday parties in the past dozen years than any person should have.
I really hadn’t planned on making a big announcement about being pregnant. I’ve just been telling people as I come into contact with them and a big Facebook type of announcement wasn’t in my plans. But when a seemingly innocent dream comment spurred several comments and even more FB messages to me, I decided to go Facebook public. And the number of comments, email and FB email messages since the big announcement has surprised me.
There have been a surprising number of questions – some of them the standard ones: when are you due and how do you feel? But there have been other questions that made me think I should probably document this amazing moment in my life.
So, at the risk of talking about myself too much (but what else do blogs do?), here are some thoughts and answers to those questions…it's rather long and detailed, so I won't be offended (and I won't even know) if you don't read it at all or stop reading after this paragraph. It's mostly for the sake of documentation afterall.
1. I am due on September 17th. I’m at 17 weeks now. However, because the doctor said “anytime in September”, I am visualizing September 2nd – my brother Trent’s birthday (sorry dad, but Sept 25th is just too far out there).
2. I am feeling better on most days. For several weeks I was violently ill in the evenings and I was feeling, well, like crap. I get sick in the evenings and lately only about 3 times a week. Although I did vomit 5 times last night.
3. I am definitely sleeping for 2.
4. I am 44 years old and this is my first baby which makes me high risk. Higher risk than most of the other 40-ish year old Mormon women who have had their 5th or 6th baby in their 40’s. But we’ve heard the heartbeat (a milestone which signals a significant reduction in miscarriage risk) and my doctor is keeping a pretty good eye on me. There’s still risk of miscarriage or downs syndrome, but we’re taking it day by day.
5. I have a huge fear of our baby having Downs.
6. We didn’t use any fertility methods. When we got married, I was 42 and we decided on the “Que Sera Sera” birth control method. After a year or so, we figured it wasn’t in the cards for us and I stopped tracking my cycle.
7. We actually were looking forward to adoption as a way to bring children into our family. I really thought (and still do) that we were meant to bring orphaned children into our home. By the time Tony was 22, both of Tony’s parents passed away. His mom passed away when he was 17. So he spent most of his adult life without a mom and a dad and it was really hard on him.
Four years ago I went on my first humanitarian trip with Southern Cross to the Sunflower Orphanage and absolutely fell head over heels in love with the children there. Becoming involved with helping those children helped fill a hole in my life. I was happy and content except I craved that feeling of caring for children. And helping improve lives of impoverished children…I felt completely satiated.
So I actually hoped we would end up adopting rather than having our own children. It’s hard for me to write this because it makes me feel ungrateful and unworthy. There are people VERY close to me who have struggled for years with childlessness and it absolutely breaks my heart. It’s very hard for me to explain, but while I am so very grateful for this baby, I’m also sad we’ve postponed our adoption plans.
We had actually started the foster adoption process when we found out I was pregnant and emailing the social worker we’d been talking to and telling them we needed to postpone our plans was heart wrenching. We considered continuing the foster adoption process, but the social worker strongly advised against it. We quickly saw her wisdom.
8. Yes, we are excited. I was admittedly, a bit freaked out when we found out (there’s an old blog posting about that if you want to torture yourself). I was in shock and a bit of denial – mostly because I was scared because I felt so dang old. But we are excited.
9. We don’t know yet whether we’re having a boy or girl, but we will DEFINITELY find out. We’re not the “want to be surprised” types. Tony wants a girl. I would like a boy. How’s that for mixed up? But I think we’re having a girl.
10. Tony has been simply amazing. He does 100% of the cooking, shopping, 90% of the laundry and cleaning. What do I do you ask? I work and pretty much sleep. Two days ago I mentioned that something in the fridge smelled (I have this amazing bionic nose now!) and the next morning he was up early and had completely cleaned out and disinfected the fridge, mopped the floor. The kitchen was spotless. I can think of a dozen things he does for me EVERY day. Last night he made homemade fruit leather because I can eat it without yacking. Sadly, I can’t think of many things I’ve done just for him lately (well, except grow his baby inside me).
11. I know everyone can’t wait for the time they put your newborn baby in your arms for the first time, but I can’t wait to see Tony hold our baby for the first time. Just thinking about it makes me cry (I’m tearing up right now).
12. Which leads me to the next topic. I really haven’t been that hormonal except I cry at the drop of a hat. But no temper, no extra moodiness. I just cry at every commercial or any sad thing. Last time I flew home, I was in the SLC airport and there were 2 missionaries returning home. I saw them and started WEEPING just imagining their homecoming. It’s not pretty.
13. Names. My family has a tradition of giving a Japanese middle name. Tony’s mom name is Kim so I’d like the middle name to be Kimiko. We’ll see. We can’t come up with many boy names, but we do like Ryan or girl names Sarah or Ellie. We have a huge family so pretty much every name has been used at least once.
14. I’m completely in love with this baby in my tummy. Right now I call her Sarah.
I really hadn’t planned on making a big announcement about being pregnant. I’ve just been telling people as I come into contact with them and a big Facebook type of announcement wasn’t in my plans. But when a seemingly innocent dream comment spurred several comments and even more FB messages to me, I decided to go Facebook public. And the number of comments, email and FB email messages since the big announcement has surprised me.
There have been a surprising number of questions – some of them the standard ones: when are you due and how do you feel? But there have been other questions that made me think I should probably document this amazing moment in my life.
So, at the risk of talking about myself too much (but what else do blogs do?), here are some thoughts and answers to those questions…it's rather long and detailed, so I won't be offended (and I won't even know) if you don't read it at all or stop reading after this paragraph. It's mostly for the sake of documentation afterall.
1. I am due on September 17th. I’m at 17 weeks now. However, because the doctor said “anytime in September”, I am visualizing September 2nd – my brother Trent’s birthday (sorry dad, but Sept 25th is just too far out there).
2. I am feeling better on most days. For several weeks I was violently ill in the evenings and I was feeling, well, like crap. I get sick in the evenings and lately only about 3 times a week. Although I did vomit 5 times last night.
3. I am definitely sleeping for 2.
4. I am 44 years old and this is my first baby which makes me high risk. Higher risk than most of the other 40-ish year old Mormon women who have had their 5th or 6th baby in their 40’s. But we’ve heard the heartbeat (a milestone which signals a significant reduction in miscarriage risk) and my doctor is keeping a pretty good eye on me. There’s still risk of miscarriage or downs syndrome, but we’re taking it day by day.
5. I have a huge fear of our baby having Downs.
6. We didn’t use any fertility methods. When we got married, I was 42 and we decided on the “Que Sera Sera” birth control method. After a year or so, we figured it wasn’t in the cards for us and I stopped tracking my cycle.
7. We actually were looking forward to adoption as a way to bring children into our family. I really thought (and still do) that we were meant to bring orphaned children into our home. By the time Tony was 22, both of Tony’s parents passed away. His mom passed away when he was 17. So he spent most of his adult life without a mom and a dad and it was really hard on him.
Four years ago I went on my first humanitarian trip with Southern Cross to the Sunflower Orphanage and absolutely fell head over heels in love with the children there. Becoming involved with helping those children helped fill a hole in my life. I was happy and content except I craved that feeling of caring for children. And helping improve lives of impoverished children…I felt completely satiated.
So I actually hoped we would end up adopting rather than having our own children. It’s hard for me to write this because it makes me feel ungrateful and unworthy. There are people VERY close to me who have struggled for years with childlessness and it absolutely breaks my heart. It’s very hard for me to explain, but while I am so very grateful for this baby, I’m also sad we’ve postponed our adoption plans.
We had actually started the foster adoption process when we found out I was pregnant and emailing the social worker we’d been talking to and telling them we needed to postpone our plans was heart wrenching. We considered continuing the foster adoption process, but the social worker strongly advised against it. We quickly saw her wisdom.
8. Yes, we are excited. I was admittedly, a bit freaked out when we found out (there’s an old blog posting about that if you want to torture yourself). I was in shock and a bit of denial – mostly because I was scared because I felt so dang old. But we are excited.
9. We don’t know yet whether we’re having a boy or girl, but we will DEFINITELY find out. We’re not the “want to be surprised” types. Tony wants a girl. I would like a boy. How’s that for mixed up? But I think we’re having a girl.
10. Tony has been simply amazing. He does 100% of the cooking, shopping, 90% of the laundry and cleaning. What do I do you ask? I work and pretty much sleep. Two days ago I mentioned that something in the fridge smelled (I have this amazing bionic nose now!) and the next morning he was up early and had completely cleaned out and disinfected the fridge, mopped the floor. The kitchen was spotless. I can think of a dozen things he does for me EVERY day. Last night he made homemade fruit leather because I can eat it without yacking. Sadly, I can’t think of many things I’ve done just for him lately (well, except grow his baby inside me).
11. I know everyone can’t wait for the time they put your newborn baby in your arms for the first time, but I can’t wait to see Tony hold our baby for the first time. Just thinking about it makes me cry (I’m tearing up right now).
12. Which leads me to the next topic. I really haven’t been that hormonal except I cry at the drop of a hat. But no temper, no extra moodiness. I just cry at every commercial or any sad thing. Last time I flew home, I was in the SLC airport and there were 2 missionaries returning home. I saw them and started WEEPING just imagining their homecoming. It’s not pretty.
13. Names. My family has a tradition of giving a Japanese middle name. Tony’s mom name is Kim so I’d like the middle name to be Kimiko. We’ll see. We can’t come up with many boy names, but we do like Ryan or girl names Sarah or Ellie. We have a huge family so pretty much every name has been used at least once.
14. I’m completely in love with this baby in my tummy. Right now I call her Sarah.
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