expectation management

On Mother's Day, we had a lesson in church about holding onto faith through our trials.  It was a great lesson and actually seemed pretty pertinant to the mother's day theme since motherhood certainly does not come without trials.

There were a few women who, with no small amount of tears, talked about friends or family members who became angry at God for the trials they had to endure.  There is no way I could ever judge a woman who has lost her husband to an accident or a mother who has had a child endure horrible illness or death.  There is no way I could ever judge someone who was angry at God for these things. 

But it made me reflect on my life's mantra, which is to manage my expectations.  And while I often joke about how handy this mantra is when seeing a movie or when I was single and dating, I think it is just as applicable when we apply faith in God.

Of course, we can - and should - always hope and pray for miracles, for a happy and joy filled life, for a silver lining in every trial.  But especially now with all the tumult of adoption, employment and medical insurance, I have to remind myself that a peaceful assurance from a loving Heavenly Father does not mean that I will only see rainbows and roses for the rest of my life or even the foreseeable short-term future.  I think that may be where the anger at God comes in - when we don't manage what we expect God to do for us.

The peace I felt when I prayed whether or not to continue with the adoption proceedings is not a guarantee that little An Jing will be free from medical or emotional issues.  The confirmation that I felt when I went to the temple is not a promise that we will not struggle with employment, finances or medical insurance.

And that is exactly why I have to constantly fight the anxiousness, the worries and the sleepness nights.  When I'm tossing and turning, I try to remind myself of what He HAS promised:  that we will not be alone and that we will not be given any trial that we are unable to endure.  But that leaves a lot of room for a lot of things!

But I also have the peace of mind that I really do believe this is our Heavenly Father's will because MY will was to postpone the adoption until we were a bit more stable.  And with that, I carry on.  Hoping and praying for roses and rainbows while managing my expectations just enough so that I will (hopefully) remember not to be angry and bitter when a thorn pricks my finger or storms come our way.

big boy bed

After a successful first two weeks sleeping in his big boy bed without a single incident of getting out of bed on his own, I find myself patting myself on the back, holding my head up high and telling everyone and anyone who will listen about my big boy bed strategy.  The message?  I actually DO know a thing or two about this parenting thing.

Let me back up a bit.  Ryan first climbed out of his crib last summer when I was out of town.  Tony told me the story as I sat in our corporate apartment in High Point, North Carolina with a horrified look on my face.  I know you've heard the story before about the baby climbing out of his crib and falling, but this was MY baby.  I spent the next several hours scouring the world wide web for a solution but one was not to be found besides putting him in a bed.

My ingenious husband who is 1/2 part McGyver and 1/2 part duct tape went to Home Depot and came up with his latest invention which he is now trying to patent.  It kept Ryan in his crib for several more months buying us much valuable sleep time.  But in the past few weeks I could see the writing on the wall and knew it was time to move Ryan to a big boy bed.

We made a big deal about it:  Ryan, are you excited to sleep in your big boy bed?  Ryan, you get your very own big boy bed!  And then we shopped for cute animal sheets a la Target that he loves and got him a pillow!  He loves pillows!

We fixed up that bed (a $20 find from the neighbors garage sale last summer) and he loved it!  And then I brokered the deal.  Do you want to sleep in your big boy bed (said with a happy, upbeat inflection) or your crib?  "Big Boy Bed!"  "Big Boy Bed!"

OK, you can sleep in your big boy bed as long as you don't get out.  If you get out, you have to sleep in your crib.  The threat worked.  He didn't even get out in the morning and two weeks later, he still doesn't.

I love putting him to bed at night.  Laying down next to him, telling him a story, singing a song and saying our prayers.  When I try to leave, he thinks of a million excuses (I have to go potty, I'm thirsty, there's an elephant! - they don't always make sense, but hey, he's 2).  Then when I leave, he says "I want to hold your hand" and grabs desperately at my hand as if his life depended on it.

I am so proud.  Yes, I'm proud of Ryan obeying us, but if the truth be told, I'm proud of me!  I'm a parent and I outsmarted my 2 year old boy and got him to stay in his bed.

Yes, I'm knocking on wood.

My wish on Mother's Day

On this Mother's Day, my heart is full.  In part because of this wonderful little boy who calls me Mommy and the life we are able to enjoy as a family.  As we enjoyed our Saturday yesterday, I felt we were truly blessed.  And I am very much indeed, thankful for my blessings.

I have another reason to be grateful this day.  Her name is An Jing.  She was born March 28, 2012 in China and in a few months, if all goes well, we will be bringing her home to join our little family.

She was born with a cleft lip and palate.  Her cleft lip has been repaired, although you can see she will need plastic surgery on her little nose.  We will have her cleft palate worked on when we bring her home.

We received our initial pre-approval this week which means we can start telling people, share her darling pictures and we can also send her a small care package.  I can't believe how much we love her already.

An Jing was abandoned on a dirt road when she was a few days old.  Now your initial reaction might be something like "how could a mother abandon her child? and on a dirt road?"  May I tell you how I feel about it?

I believe that the dirt road indicates that An Jing's family was not wealthy or even middle-class.  I think that the dirt road indicates they lived in the country and were poor.  Perhaps very, very poor.  And when this poor mother in China gave birth to a child to had a cleft lip and cleft palate, she knew she would never be able to provide the medical needs this child needed.  It's likely that medical resources weren't even available to her.

And so this mother bundled up her child with all the love and care in the world.  She left her on a well-traveled road where the authorities were sure to find her.  And I believe this mother hoped and prayed that someone would care for her daughter and love her as if she were her own flesh and blood.

And so on this Mother's Day, I want to tell that mother on the other side of the world that we will.  We will love her daughter and care for her.  She will have food in her tummy, a warm bed to sleep in, medical care and attention and most of all, we will love her as she is, our very own.

squealing at the zoo

If any of you know me, you know I don't do winter in Utah very well.  Not well at all.  I've been known to stay inside the house for days on end which probably isn't the best thing in the world for my mental health.  It's just so darn cold in Utah so why go outside if you don't have to?

But spring has arrived.  Actually, it feels almost like summer, but I'm not going to press my luck.  And so we bought a zoo membership.  For a mere $67, we can visit the elephants, the polar bear, the giraffes and the monkey world to our hearts content.

And so on Saturday morning, I asked Ryan if he wanted to go to the zoo.  He didn't even answer me.  He just ran to get his shoes and his jacket  and started jumping up and down with excitement.  He was extremely disappointed when I told him we weren't going for a few hours after daddy got home from running.  But can I tell you what I learned that day?  A zoo trip is a FABULOUS bribe!

"Ryan, eat your veggies and we'll go to the zoo later."  "Ryan, take your nap and we'll go to the zoo after you wake up."  I might have to go to the zoo everyday just to get my boy to do what I want him to.

So around 3pm we finally got our act together and headed up to the zoo and the lovely thing about a zoo pass is, you can just go for a few hours and you get your moneys worth.

Ryan is at that magical age where he gets super excited about anything and everything.  And I do mean anything and everything!  He still gets excited reading "Brown Bear Brown Bear" and we must have read that book about a thousand times.

So when he saw the seals swimming?  Well, listen for his squeals.

We'll be spending a lot of time at the zoo this summer.  And this means a lot of bribe material and even better, a lot of squealing.

 

 

taiko drummers

As I mentioned before, we went to the Nihon Matsuri in downtown Salt Lake last weekend.  Ryan loved the taiko drummers, but who doesn't!  The main reason I'm uploading this is so Ryan can watch it over and over.  He still asks to see the polar bear videos from last fall, which if you want to see, click here.