I was told not to expect too much on the first day. And not to be overly ambitious like don't take Anna home and give her a scrub down in the tub, change her clothes and do her hair. So we didn't do just that. She was so quiet it made me sad. I wished I could tell her it was going to be ok, that we are her new mommy and daddy and we will love her forever. But no, she just looked at us with a very blank stare. We tried toys and books and that worked a bit, but she was very tentative. It broke my heart.
My mom sent a book and some toys - her first care package of many from the best grandma in the world. She loved the little animal book and I was able to take her finger and let her feel the textures of the animals. She carried the book around for a large part of the day.
That night, she slept amazingly well. When I told Tony that having Anna sleep with us was a great way to attach, we both envisioned sleepless nights with a tossing, turning and jumping child between us - exactly how it is with Ryan. But from the moment I put Anna down for the night, until about 12 hours later, she hardly moved at all. She woke up once in the middle of the night, totally disoriented and started her heartbreaking silent cry and so I picked her up and hugged her and hugged her. After a minute, she fell asleep on my chest. Is there a better feeling in the world than your child sleeping on your chest?
On Day 2, Anna woke up and didn't know where she was, who the people in her bed were, what those people were saying and the list of unknowns goes on. I have a video of her sitting in bed just looking around and looking around. She still has that dark look in her eyes, but now that it is a few days later, I can tell you, the light came into her eyes just a short time later. She still has periods of fear and I see the darkness of fear creep back into her eyes, but I can usually coax that fear out of her with a hug.
So stay tuned, it gets better. In fact, I was amazed how quickly she started adapting.
I haven't checked in in a while. SO much has happened!!!!! Congrats on beautiful Anna. Before long you will all be so attached to each other that you won't remember any other way. Congrats again!!!!! So happy for you. :)
ReplyDeletePlease keep your posts coming. So glad you have your sweet baby girl with you. Remember, you may not have carried her in your tummy but she was carried in your hearts by both of you. Congratulations.
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