progress of sorts

Last year, when we were in the midst of the dossier process, I asked Ryan if he wanted a little brother or a little sister.  He very enthusiastically replied, "a dog!"  Instead of believing he really wanted a dog instead of a sibling (especially since he and Abby sometimes bicker like siblings), I assumed he didn't understand the question.

Now for the past few months, we regularly look at pictures of Anna (did I mention we are naming our daughter Anna Jing?) and we include her in our prayers.  If Ryan sees a picture of Anna, he says, "hey, that's Anna!" with enthusiasm in his voice.  Clearly, he knows who she is.  And once in a while, I venture to say, "Anna is your little sister".  His replies range from smiling to puzzled looks to "yeah".  All of which I interpret as non-negative responses.

Today, our conversation went like this:

me:  do you know you're going to have a little sister soon?

ryan:  yes!

me:  what's your sister's name?

ryan:  candy!

Tell me, how do you interpret that?  I still take it as a non-negative response, although it's clear he is not understanding the entire picture.  But I do take that as progress.  At least he didn't call her a dog.
 
We are still working on government forms.  DS-230, I-800 Provisional Approvals, Visa applications - it's all quite mind boggling at times.  We're hoping for an estimated August departure, shortly after my third summer tradeshow in July and August.  And it looks hopeful that my cousin Joy might be joining us (fingers crossed!) on the second week in China. 

Just like every step in this adoption, we have had to adjust to obstacles in our travel plans.  My mom was going to either watch Ryan or join us in China (or even possibly both!) but that plan is now out the window.  We're still not sure who will be watching Ryan although we have a couple of possibilities.  But we will likely have Tony fly home we meet Anna and after the initial paperwork is completed and just before the fun touring begins (sad).

And because traveling from China  alone with an 18 month old who may or may not like me is absolutely terrifying to me, my cousin Joy might switch places with Tony so he can come home and be with Ryan.

It's still a work in progress...fingers are crossed, and prayers are still be prayed.

But in the meantime, these are two new pictures that our agency sent us last week.  Isn't she just darling?  You can see she will need some "work" on her nose.  Tony is already smitten and he tells everyone that she "has his nose."

an update on mama mano

Thank you for all the notes, calls and messages about my mom.  As my mom recently pointed out, everyone in the world should feel as loved as she does right now.

I wanted to give a quick update since so many people have asked.  All in all, mom is doing great.  The doctors didn't diagnose a "stage" like they usually do.  They just called it "recurrent breast cancer" but it is very treatable and, in spite of the complication of the tumor attaching to her bone and her muscle, things are looking pretty good.

Because of that complication, they opted to do chemo first to shrink the tumor.  And after one treatment, my mom thinks the tumor has both shrunk in size and is softer.  Her second treatment is this Thursday and today she went to get her hair cut - actually shaved - because it has already started to fall out.

She treated herself to a new wig (she kept the old one) and I loved that she reasoned that she is saving money on hair cuts and hair product so she deserved a new wig!  Last time I was able to go wig shopping with her and we tried on blonde bobs and crazy styles.  I remember thinking I would shave my head in an act of solidarity, but alas, I lost the courage when I saw the blades.

I wish I would have shaved my head when I had the chance (now, with all my tradeshows and business trips, I don't think I could pull it off).  But I don't feel the need for a bald head anymore to feel a sense of solidarity with my mom.  So many people have been sending good thoughts and energy her way, been saying prayers, adding her name to our temple prayer rolls, and just generally sending their love to her.  I feel a sense of solidarity with her friends and family when I pray.

And for whatever reason, I feel like a sense of solidarity with my mom as it feels as though I am a recipient of a small portion of the love being sent her way.  I definitely feel the care and concern of others and for that, I am grateful. 

comfort, hope and courage

 

A few weeks ago, on a Friday night, I woke up around 2am and decided to write a book about cancer – a book for cancer patients and their families.  The title popped into my mind:  Comfort, Hope and Courage.  Thoughts and ideas came to me over the next few hours and then I slipped back to sleep.

I woke up Saturday morning with the thoughts still swirling in my mind.  I started writing, searching the internet and jotting down thoughts and ideas.  I had no idea why this was suddenly all I could think about - it was completely out of the blue.  And then my dad called me later that night and told that my mom's cancer had returned.

A week passed while we waited for scan and MRI test results and I kept thinking about that book, but I didn’t know what to do about it.  And one day, it hit me with such force that it stopped me in my tracks.  That book is for my mom.

My mother is a strong woman.  When she had her first bout with cancer sixteen years ago, I was fortunate enough to be able to move home to be there for the entire process - surgery, chemo and radiation.  And while she was definitely weak, sick and physically down at times, she was amazing.  She inspired me with her positive outlook, her endurance and longsuffering, her lack of complaining and her gratitude for everyone and everything around her.

And sixteen years later, I think she is an even stronger woman.  And while I’m sure she has it in her physically, mentally and spiritually to beat this again, I also feel she will need more prayers and more support this time.  And really, what cancer patient doesn't need an outpouring of love, support and prayers?   It’s our role to play – to pray for others, to pray for others and to add our faith to theirs.

So I started to work on “Comfort, Hope and Courage”.  I asked family and friends to write a letter to my mom and share any experiences they had overcoming a trial, or share a favorite song, scripture, thought about comfort, peace or courage.  Then I printed the letters and pictures and compiled them in a binder and sent it to my mom earlier this week.  But I hope this will be an ongoing project - I'm still receiving letters and pictures to add to the book.  And that's where you come in.

Whether or not you know me or my mom, if you feel so inclined to send a note, letter, thought, or anything, we'd love to include you!  And send a picture of yourself/family!  It adds so much to the book.  You can email them to me at:  nmano@yahoo.com.

So much of cancer treatment and recovery is mental and emotional.  I remember how much it helped my mom last time and I know it will help her this time.  So with Comfort, Hope and Courage, we thank you!

Natalie

ps:  And for those who have already sent me letters, thank you!

 

something light...

Just a quick photo of my favorite little guy to let you know it isn't all that heavy around here all the time. My latest quote: when life hands you lemons, put on your goggles!
 

comfort

Life has felt a bit heavy these past few weeks.  We're still unsure of what our employment / state of residence future holds for us and I'm neck deep in a pile of adoption paperwork.  The uncertainty of life seems so, well, uncertain and at times I find it hard to sleep at night contemplating the possibilities.

And then we had a series of health situations in our family.  My sister had a grapefruit size cyst removed, my brother thought he had shingles, my sister-in-law fell and broke three bones in her foot requiring surgery and then my dad called letting me know that my mom's breast cancer had returned.  Obviously, that was the big one.  It's also the one that has kept me up at night.

It's almost too much for me to think about and for a few days, that's exactly what I tried to do:  not think.  But not thinking is very, very hard to do.  At least without ingesting some type of liquid or pill and I'm not willing to go that far.

Instead, I have been praying a lot.  Praying makes me cry sometimes, but it is the only way I've been able to find peace and comfort.  It does make me realize that life really is in our Heavenly Father's hands.  And if life is in His hands, so are we.  And if we are in His hands, so is my mom.  And THAT, is comforting.

Still, if you feel so inclined to add my mom to your prayers, we would be ever so grateful.

a ray of sunshine

This morning I received an email from Elder Wilfredo Garcia.  The subject line read:  soy elder garcia (I am elder garcia)

And the message was short and sweet:  hola madre como estas yo estoy feliz (hello mother how are you I am happy).

Wilfredo is the younger cousin of our other missionary, Adril Garcia and he entered the Missionary Training Center in Columbia today.  He was called to the Ecuador Guayaquil North Mission, but that is being divided so I don't know which mission he'll end up in.  To say I am relieved that he is on a mission is the understatement of the year.  It took a lot of miracles to get this boy on a mission - not because he didn't want to go because he so desperately did - and each miracle began and ended with a prayer. 

When I saw his short email in my inbox today, my eyes filled with tears.  I quickly replied with a barrage of questions:  how do you like the MTC?  Who and how is your companion?  Send me pictures! and so on.  But it appears I will have to wait until his next p-day for another email from him.  That's ok though - just knowing he is in a safe place and has begun the adventure of a mission is all I need right now.

This picture of Wilfredo is from one of my last trips to Peru - about 6 years ago now.  When I first visited the Sunflower Orphanage, he was painfully shy. He wouldn't look anyone in the eye and definitely wouldn't speak unless spoken to. But his smile. Oh, his smile. It melted my heart.  I haven't seen these boys since 2008 but their smiles are still imprinted on my heart. 

If anyone (and I do mean ANYONE) would like to email this boy, his email address is:  wilfredo.garcia.llaza@myldsmail.net.  These two boys, Adril and Wilfredo, have more faith than I will ever have.  And the obstacles and life challenges they have overcome to get to this point is unbelievable and inspiring.

So, hopefully I'll have another update in a week or so from this missionary of ours.  And yes, I do mean "ours" - so many people have helped this young man get to this point.  His life will be forever blessed because of the help of so many, but that doesn't begin to compare to how his sweet spirit has blessed ours.