adoption update

I guess I never really talked about how we decided to adopt a special needs child from China.  And actually, I'm not exactly sure when we made that decision.  For me, I think I've always known that a special needs child was the right avenue.  As we researched different possibilities and opportunities, we just kept coming back to special needs and to China.  In fact, everytime I would read a story, see a picture or watch a video about a special needs child being adopted from China, I couldn't help crying.  Sometimes weeping.

We know quite a few people who have adopted from China and I look at their children and their families and it just feels right to me.

Even though we weren't the ahem, ideal couple for a birth mom to select to parent her precious child, we felt we wanted to bring a child into our home who REALLY needed us i.e. was living in an orphanage and whose chances were less likely to be adopted.

We have enough experience with the beautiful children in Peru to know that we could fall in love with a child who wasn't biologically our own and who was older than an infant.  And yes, if I could bring any or all of those Peruvian children here, I would, but Peru is just really difficult to adopt from.

Back to our Chinese adoption, we have an agency (CCAI) that so far, I really love working with.  They've already sent us TWO child referrals.

The hardest thing in this adoption process thus far is "passing" on a child.  Taking a look at the darling photos, reading the file, talking about it, praying about it and then deciding, No.  That child is not the one.  One of those children has since been adopted, but the other one is still on the waiting list.  And that breaks my heart.  Absolutely breaks my heart.

When I bought my home almost ten years ago, I walked through the doors and knew in an instant that it was the house for me.  When Tony and I went to animal shelter after animal shelter searching for a dog for us, we knew instantly that Abby was the dog for us.  It didn't mean that we didn't see a lot of fabulous other houses or dogs.  It just meant they weren't the right one for us.

I keep telling myself that if I felt that way about a house or a dog, surely I will know when I see the right child for us. 

Sometimes I'm a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of bringing in a toddler from another country with potential special needs and unknown issues.  There is an unending list of things to worry about beginning with the health and ending (actually, I don't know if there IS an end to the worries) with attachment to our family and Ryan, how it affects Ryan in general, communication since we don't speak Chinese and the list goes on and on.

But then I take a deep breath and remember the peace I've felt at all the critical times when we've thought and prayed about this decision.

The scary thing is that I am fully aware that the peace that I've felt about our decisions does not mean that it will be easy.  It does not mean that everything will be picture perfect.  It does not mean that we will have a problem free adoption or family.

But I do believe we're doing the right thing.  At least for us.