Dear Ryan and Anna...

Dear Ryan and Anna,

Daddy and I left on our big adventure a few hours ago.  We are in Seattle and have a 5 hour layover before our flight to Beijing, so what better way to spend my time than write to my two favorite little people.

Ryan - you are such a big boy now!  I think you really understood when Daddy and I told you that we were going to the airport and would be gone for a few days.  I loved our little picnic in our backyard last night and reading books to you on the blanket, looking at the animals in the clouds and listening for birds.  I am very sad whenever I am away from you, but I know you are going to have fun while we are gone.  Remember that mommy and daddy love you very, very much and daddy will be home when you've opened all your presents.

Anna - we are so excited to see you on Monday!  Last night when I was praying, I understood why this adoption process has been so difficult for me.  I think Heavenly Father wanted me to know how much we wanted you to be part of our family.  I had to work really hard to finish all of the paperwork and overcome some of the obstacles we had but I think it was to test how much we wanted you to be part of our family.  But I would do it all again and more just to have you as our daughter.

We dearly love you both,

Mommy and Daddy

back to the crib...

 

Ryan's been ummm...adjusting fairly well.  I'm pretty sure he knows something is up.  Between the boxes and the frantic mommy running here and there, how wouldn't he?

 

As I mentioned earlier, he is now partially potty trained.  He still regularly has pooping accidents and several days ago I gave up - I think he has bigger fish to fry so to speak.  So we'll rely on pull-ups until we can get settled enough to move to the next stage which, with a new sister and moving to a new home across the country, could be a while!

 

We also bought a new car seat for Ryan which for him, is a big deal.  With all new things, we have to let him play with it in the house before we use it for real.  Even new shoes - I leave them around the family room until they become familiar.  So a new sister?  We'll see how that goes.

 

 

Probably the most obvious sign that Ryan is struggling a bit (which just breaks my heart) is lately he wants to sleep in his crib.  This morning he told me that he didn't want to sleep in his big boy bed anymore.  This is the boy who loves his big boy bed so that tells me he wants to be our baby again.

 

Every time Tony and I pray this week and I ask Heavenly Father to be with both our children - Anna in China through the upcoming transition and Ryan at home without his mommy and daddy and then when he meets his new sister  - tears come to my eyes.

 

Don't worry though, I feel a sense of calm and peacefulness through all of this.  I don't know if it will be easy or hard (if I were to bet, I'd bet on hard), but I do know we'll get through it and that eventually, both of our children will feel safe, secure and loved.

 

This will probably be my last post before we leave for China.  I will do my best to post updates during our trip, but in the meantime, wish us luck and if you feel so inclined, remember us in your prayers.



 
Oh, and by the way, happy anniversary to my wonderful husband.  For some reason, we time big events around our anniversary.  We brought Ryan home from the NICU on our anniversary and this year, we're leaving a day later to bring home Anna from China!

reality check

Another adopting mom who is traveling in the same group as us recommended an amazing "Adoption Parenting" book for me to read.  It is about 400 pages and I am on page 26.

But I did want to share an amazing analogy from that book that I will paraphrase:

Imagine you've just married the man of your dreams. You are very in love and feel like you've found your soul mate. On your wedding night you fall asleep thinking how wonderful life is and how blessed you are. The next morning, you wake up, look over at the other side of the bed and a different man is sleeping next to you! You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved husband?

You ask questions of the new man, but he doesn't understand you and you don't understand him. You search the house and even your home is different - each room is completely different and you can't find any trace of your former life.

Weeks pass and you cry and cry over your loss. The new guy tries to comfort you. You can't sleep, the food tastes completely different from the food you know, you can't understand anyone around you.

More time passes and the man takes you to a different home and there are lots of people who hug you and kiss you. You can't understand anyone and you don't know anyone and you are even more confused.

And the analogy continues on and on going through the different stages.  I understood the parallels of the analogy pretty quickly, but I've never had anything explain so clearly what little Anna is going to go through.  My heart aches for her already knowing how scared - no terrified - she will be leaving her nanny and everyone who loves her and being placed in a stranger's arms.  I am hoping and praying that my Asian looks will go a long, long way.  In fact, I've never been so grateful to be Asian!

So many people have asked if they can help with anything.  Well, I am going to ask for your prayers on Monday Sept 2nd for our little girl as she is placed in our arms.  And while you're add it, pray for that little girl's mommy and daddy because heaven knows, we are going to need all the help we can get.

it's starting to feel real

So I came home from NY late last Wednesday and starting to feel the weight of everything I needed to get done.  We don't even have a car seat for Anna!  And don't even ask about her room.  It's still our "spare room" where we stuff and store everything we've never needed over the past 5 years.

So for the past few days, we've been sorting, cleaning and organizing. I meant to only sort and clean out Anna's room, but somehow the project has expanded and now we have boxes everywhere. We've succumbed to the idea of having a moving/garage sale (but I'm hiring my niece and nephew to run it for me, since the thought of haggling over a 50 cent item makes me nauseous) and so we now have boxes for the garage sale. Which means we had to clean out the storage unit in the back yard to make room for the garage sale items. Which means we had to move some things out of the storage room and where do you put that stuff?

I think you get my point.  This place is box city and we're running out of places to put things.

On a positive note, we've been talking to Ryan a lot about Anna. We've told him that mommy and daddy are going to bring her home to live with us. He knows that she will be using his old high chair, but he is not quite ready to give up his baby crib (which we left up since we knew it was a matter of time before Anna came to us).  But for the first while, we are going to try the family bed with Anna sleeping with us (Tony is thrilled!). I am learning that parenting an adopted child - especially an institutionalized child is quite different. For example, leaving Anna in her crib crying for a few minutes so she can learn to self soothe? That theory is out the door.

So that's where we are - so much to do this week! I received Anna's measurements and they don't make any sense to me so I'm not sure if the clothes I've bought are going to fit. I'm going to go buy lice treatment stuff, scabies cream (anybody else starting to scratch?) but I think I'm going to forego the recommended surgical mask and suffer through the air pollution.  But other than that, just a normal week around here at the Smart home!

so...how are things?

Once in a while someone will ask me how things are going.  And I honestly don't know whether they are referring to the adoption, or renting our home, or my mom or moving to North Carolina.  Yes, we've had a bit going on around here and I keep meaning to post a bunch because there is SO much to write about.  Since I'm flying to NY tonight, here's a quick update:

I was in Las Vegas the last part of July/beginning of August for the furniture market.  The bad news was the show was incredibly slow.  The good news, I flew home on stand-by a day earlier.

We had a Tanaka family reunion.  I should post about my incredible heritage sometime.  My great grandmother was a picture bride from Japan.  She had 8 kids and we still get together every August for a huge family reunion.  There are 5 of the original aunties left and they are all in their high 80's/90's and are amazing.

Ryan turned 3 and we had a birthday party!  Our little boy is growing up.  He's also now potty trained!  I think the day we did our potty training party was the longest day in my life.

We made our travel plans and are headed to China on August 30th.  Tony comes home on Sept 6th and my cousin Joy is going to meet me after Tony comes home and then we fly home with Anna on September 14th!  Thank goodness for frequent flier miles!

I have an AMAZING story about what I believe is a miracle with this adoption - it has made me release all tension, anxiety and stress about this adoption.  Well, maybe not all, but a lot of it.  I definitely will post about this.

Mom finished her last chemo treatment and is having another round of tests/scans next week.  We are fasting and praying that those test results come back with miraculous results - and I do mean miraculous.  She continues to amaze me with her spirit and positive outlook. 

I'm headed to NY for another show and so I'll be lucky if I write again soon.  BUT, I will try to write a few updates before we leave for China and while we're there.

So besides all of that, not much else going on!