Something happens when I book my plane flights for my business trips. I look at all the flight options and then I look at my little boy. I look at my busy work schedule and my list of projects to accomplish during said trip and then I look at my little boy.
And then the thought comes: it won't be so bad and it will give me an extra day at home. And before I know what's happened, I've booked another red-eye flight across the country.
Yesterday was one of those travel days. I boarded my plane in SLC for an 11:50pm departure, headed to JFK arriving at 6:15am. Which, with the 2 hour time difference, is really 4:15 am. Luckily, I was really tired from working until the wee hours the night before. And luckily, I got upgraded to 6B - the land of wide seats and ample leg room.
But still, I only got about two hours of frequently interrupted sleep. Surprisingly, I only had one coke zero today. I fully expected it to be a two coke zero day, but I managed on just a single can.
On the walk home from the showroom, I passed by Chipotle. I felt like I was fading and fast, so the idea of getting a salad and retreating to my hotel room sounded perfect.
I got back to my room, changed into comfy clothes and pulled out my Chipotle salad. It was then that I realized I had completely forgotten utinsils. I searched and searched my room for something I could use but couldn't find anything. Heading out in search of a fork was the last thing I wanted to do, but I couldn't find any suitable substitute....until I spied these!
Yes, those are Bic brand chopsticks. How is that for McGyvering?
So it's 9pm and I've been awake for 36 hours with about 2 hours of sleep. If the Bic chopsticks are any indication, I should've had that second coke zero. Or maybe I shouldn't have booked that red-eye in the first place. But then I look at my little boy...and I book another red-eye.
This business of finding a child to adopt is exhausting work. I often tell people that the paperwork is as painful as childbirth. And I still stand by that.
But the phase we're in, the match stage, is emotionally exhausting. I had a long, hard emotional day yesterday and this morning I feel completely spent.
Most families, after they receive their login date (the date your dossier is literally logged in in China) simply wait for their agency to match them with a child. Or, they might do what I did prior to receiving our news about our possible employment change, which is look at the website once in a while, request a file, pray about whether this child is the right one to join your family. Because we no longer have the luxury of time, of waiting to be matched on our agency's timeframe, I've been checking the website in the morning and before I go to bed to see if there are any children for us.
Two days ago, I saw a video of the most darling little boy on Facebook. Usually you aren't supposed to show pictures of the kids, but my agency posted a video on their Facebook page, so with that in mind, click here to watch the video of little Shan. I watched the video and fell in love. I'd seen that little boy before on their website and knew his file was to be returned to China soon, but I emailed and asked to see his file.
They sent back tons of pictures (usually they only have 2 or 3) plus the video, plus a bunch of documentation. He has post-op heart disease (again, info on their facebook page) and so I thought, why not? Heart disease is not an area that I've researched very much, but I thought I would have time to do some checking. I was wrong.
When they sent his file, they said, we would need a letter of intent by 4pm today (this was at 11am mind you) and we would need to lock in tomorrow. Yikes (understatement). Thus began my flurry of emails and inquiries as to whether someone knew a heart doctor to talk to.
I prayed. I really loved this little boy and I wanted his post-operative heart to be part of our family. As I sent out email after email, I just knew there would be someone who knew someone who could answer our questions (and our prayers). Is this little boy's heart strong enough that he could live a long, full life? Or will this little boy's heart need surgery after surgery to stay strong and healthy? Will this little boy's heart need a little bit of loving, watchful care, but chances looked good?
In the afternoon, my cousin Troy emailed and said he sent our file to a friend who was a pediatric cardiologist in Boston. In the meantime, I wrote our Letter of Intent and filled out several more pieces of paperwork. We could still opt out before we were locked in, but they needed to start translating or the file would be sent back. I just knew this was the little boy for us.
We spoke to David, the pediatric cardiologist who really, could not be any nicer. He offered to get on a skype call where he could show us drawings of the heart and offered to talk any time now, after the adoption, heck, I got the feeling if I ever had a bad day I could just call him up and vent. He was seriously amazing.
But he also told us the reality of little Shan's heart disease. Chances were he'd have a healthy life, but he would likely need procedures and very possible an operation down the line. And in the end, it was too much for us to process and decide in less than 24 hours. Tony is very often a single dad while I travel and the thought of dealing with a less than heart healthy situation was daunting. Enough so that with a very sad and heavy heart, I emailed our agency and told them we would have to "pass."
I never know the right words when we decide not to accept a child. And while we've been studying hearts and heart disease the past 24 hours, I've been very aware how much we incorporate "heart" into our conversations. It breaks my heart. I feel heavy hearted. Talking to helpful, caring people does my heart good.
And although we weren't able to give our family and our home to adorable little Shan, he has my heart. My whole heart.
It's been far too long since I've posted an update on our favorite missionary. We're hitting our 1 year mark this month - it's amazing how quickly the time has gone by!
At ten months, Adril became a senior companion. It was a really big deal for him and he was so very proud! I was traveling a lot during the month of January and my weekly emails to him were usually written in airports on my phone i.e. were quick messages letting him know I was thinking of him.
After a few weeks, he emailed Laura and told her he had become senior companion and asked her to tell me (I think because he wasn't sure if I was getting his emails). I realized then how much it meant to him and quickly wrote a long email to let him know how proud we were of him.
It's no surprise to any of us what a wonderful missionary Adril is. I often wonder if mission life seems kind of like a vacation of sorts to Adril. Let me explain. Adril is one of the oldest boys at the orphanage and there were lots of children younger than him and he was the older brother to all of them. Whenever I visited Peru, I was always amazed at how hard this boy worked. It reminded me of the stories my parents often told growing up farming. But I'm pretty sure Adril had it tougher since they often didn't have electricity, running water, gas to cook with, etc.
I could go on and on about what a great kid Adril is, but I'll just say, I truly believe this kid has a great mission in life. I believe he knows he this too. And the ability to help him in a very small way is one of the most humbling experiences of my life.
Please write to him. Even if you don't know him. He would LOVE to hear from you. And if he does know you (or even if he doesn't), include a picture of yourself. Over the years, hundreds of people have visited him at the orphanage and he probably knows several people with your same name. It doesn't mean he doesn't remember you - it just means he doesn't know which "Mike" you are.
Adril's email: adril.garcia@myldsmail.net
Mailing address:
Elder Adril Garcia Perez
Mision Peru - Lima Oeste
carlos salarerry #3664-los olivos
casilla de correo 39-054
lima 39
perú
The same week that I had that horrible, no good, very bad experience, I also had another serious discussion at work. I still haven't decided whether I should talk about it publicly or not, but suffice it to say, it could be life changing. Not in a huge "near death experience life changing way", but it could literally change our life situation. Which, in spite of the frequent travel, we rather enjoy.
A change in life is often good and I generally welcome change. But here's the thing. We are in the middle of an international adoption. And when I say "middle", I literally mean "middle." We have completed the long road of paperwork and our dossier is in China and we are waiting to be matched with a child. We have also paid a significant amount of fees and are about in the "middle" of the long road of payments.
And this change of life situation may jeapardize all of that since our home study and dossier is based on our current life situation, so whatever decision we make jeapardizes our adoption.
Needless to say, it has been a tough few weeks. Tony and I have had numerous discussions and we knew we couldn't make these decisions on our own. So we went to the temple. At the temple, I was having one of those "blank" experiences. I had so much going on in my head that I couldn't settle down. My mind was a jumble of "what if's". What if this goes wrong, what if that goes wrong. We could push the adoption along by being a LOT more proactive and finding a child to adopt and if we wanted to adopt a boy instead of a girl, the timeline could potentially move up by MONTHS.
But what if we lost our medical insurance (which is a very real possibility). Is moving forward with adopting a special needs baby who could possibly need surgery soon after we brought him home a wise decision? Can you feel my heart pounding through my confusion?
We went through the temple session and I didn't feel like I was calm enough to receive any inspiration. And then we prayed in the temple and it hit me. I felt this overwhelming sense of calm, peace and power all at once. It is hard to explain unless you have felt it. I became so emotional that I started to cry silently with tears streaming down my face. My heart was pounding but I felt calm. I also felt the words in my mind "you can do this" and then the words "you've been coasting for too long."
I knew immediately that moving forward with our adoption was the right thing to do. I also knew that I needed to step things up. I needed to become more in tune with the Spirit, that there would be guidance when I sought it and that, while it may not be easy (and in fact, I thought things might very well be extremely difficult), it was the right thing to do.
So now comes the biggest test of my faith. To take that leap and trust that we are doing the right thing. Since that time I have had amazing experience after amazing experience that I hope to share here. But in the meantime, I just want to say: I'm done coasting.
p.s. if you want to learn more about those Mormon temples, click here.
Wanna play jeopardy?
Answer: Mom and Auntie Gerry couldn't get off this when skiing.
Question: What is a tow rope?
Do you have a visual image? I wasn't there, but I sure do. If you know my mom and you know my mom when she is with her sisters, there was plenty of laughter and probably some screaming.
Happy birthday to my charming mother. Life is never dull when you are around and it's always quite a bit sweeter.
I love your dedication to your family, your church and your community. I love the traditions you blessed us with while we were growing up. I love that Ryan gets to experience the same traditions with you (like opening up the little gifts in the coke box nativity). I love that Ryan has the best grandma in the world.
Thank you for all you do.
We love you and love you and love you and LOVE YOU.
Tony, Natalie, Ryan and Abby
This is one of the reasons why I've been absent lately. For a mere ten or twelve years, we've been talking about opening our own showroom in New York. It either wasn't the right time or the right economy to do so.
But now, with both MB and JC (our code words for Mr. Brown and Julian Chichester) companies well on their feet (MB is 2 1/2 years old now - the same age as Ryan!), and with the economy doing much better, it's time!
If you happen to be in New York and want to come to a fancy schmancy designer party, come join us! I even bought a new dress (which, if you know me, is a big stinkin deal - I hate to shop!).
I'll admit that I'm nervous - it's a big party that we're throwing and the biggest deal in our company for, well, forever. I've had to really step things up, but I do love the invitations that we mailed out. I bought lovely vellum envelopes and the chairs literally pop through the envelope. Oh, and did I mention that I hand addressed 500 invitations?
So think of me on Thursday night. I'll be a bit out of my element with the London and New York crowd, but if all goes according to plans, it should be a fabulous event. Come join me!
I know I've been a bit, ummm...absent lately. And that last post wasn't exactly the type of post I would want to leave up for an extended period of time. Especially after my mom called me up right after reading it and said in a very concerned tone, "Natalie...what's going on?" I fully planned on posting fun and fabulous pictures of Tony, Ryan and me sledding up in the canyon showing our bright and sunny smiles shortly after that last post. But alas, life got the better of me.
Why did I write that last post? Well, when I started this blog, I wanted it to be real. I didn't want to just post cute pictures of Ryan and Abby and pretend my world was all sunny and bright. And even though I certainly have many bright moments with my family, I wanted to write about the good and the bad and hopefully it would all balance out.
So, with that in mind, here are a few fun pictures of us sledding with Ryan.
You know, for balance.
