breaking heart

It's about 6:15 am Monday morning and I'm just trying to hold it together. I leave in about an hour to go to the SLC airport for my second business trip since Ryan was born...but this time without Ryan. I have a busy week and will have to work late a night or two and I just didn't see how I could take Ryan. Plus, I think the last trip was hard on him.

My cousin is going to watch him during the day and my sister and another cousin are "on call" for evenings, but Tony is really good with Ryan, so I think he'll be ok. So I know my little boy is in good hands. Really good hands.

But last night I almost changed my mind. I vascillated between taking Ryan with me and leaving him home. I've been hugging him every minute I can. And I've been crying.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. It certainly doesn't feel right - leaving my little four month home while I'm gone for a week. In January I start traveling more, but I keep telling myself it will be easier when he's a bit older. But I know it won't be.

So if you're traveling from SLC to ATL to GSO today and you see a woman weeping, it might be me. Just give me a hug and tell me Ryan will be fine, that everything will be fine and that this week will go by fast. Cause that's what's going to get me through this week.