unresolved

About a month ago I wrote a post called "resolved?" where I talked about making New Years Resolutions (yes, it was almost February, but that's how things go around here now). When I wrote that post, I was headed to New York and I was resolved to make some resolutions. Well, at least one. I wanted to think about what I wanted to become this year.

The lack of follow-up on this blog doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. I have. A lot.

For the first time in my life, I really can't come up with much. I can think of the usual "get in shape, read more, work on my spirituality" but nothing is really inspiring me. The problem is I'm not sure what the problem is.

It may be that the majority of my time is spent in auto-pilot mode. Ryan cries, I feed him. My phone rings, I answer it. I receive emails, I answer them. I'm pretty much in response mode. The other night as we were getting in bed, I said to Tony, "well, we made it through another day." He looked over at me and said, "is it that bad honey?"

And it really isn't bad, I'm actually pretty happy these days and love being Ryan's mommy and Tony's wife. But I have to admit, sometimes I miss having a carefree day with nothing on my to-do list. But I digress...

Auto-pilot. I think that is my main mode these days. Sure, there are days here and there where I turn it off and have SOME control over my life. For example, I'm off sugar again (I think there was a posting about that too...about how I had gestational diabetes and I'm determined NOT to upgrade). But you probably didn't know I was ON sugar (that happened on Christmas Eve and continued through my two trips to Atlanta and New York, but give me credit for maintaining control over Thanksgiving please...). But I digress again...

So I'm still pondering my New Years Resolutions and whether or not I want to become anything this year.

The word "balance" keeps popping into my head, but that is an extremely loaded word and worthy of its own post.

For now, I think I'll turn the auto-pilot back on, sit back and enjoy the ride.