A few weeks ago I wrote a post about Ryan's magical world of toys on his blanket. I thought about if I had a magical blanket, what toys would I have? I came up with a waterski boat, some books and a beach. But even those took some time to come up with.
The reality is it took me far too long to think of something I would want to do. And every so often (not very often at all), I find myself with an extra minute to spare. Like last Friday for example. It was a company holiday and I had the day to myself. I couldn't think of a single thing I wanted to do FOR MYSELF.
I ended up spending the day with Ryan and when he was napping, I cleaned the house. I'm really quite amazed that I couldn't figure out something I wanted to do for myself.
That's not like me. Not like me at all.
Not that I'm complaining about being a mom - I don't think I could ever do that. It's such a delayed (and somewhat unexpected) blessing in my life that I don't think I'll ever take for granted. But I do think I need to keep some balance in my life.
One of the problems is I don't know what the problem is. My former hobbies don't really interest me right now. I've always been an avid reader. I have hundreds of books and I used to read about a book a week. But I'm not interested in reading.
I used to love to sew. And cook. And make an occasional craft of some sort. Still not interested.
I've become pretty obsessed with keeping up with housecleaning, laundry and work. Those equal three full-time jobs. So whenever I have a spare minute, I'd rather clean or work.
Which I guess is fine. It just seems, well, boring. And I think that is the problem. I'm bored with myself.
I suppose that's okay for now. Tony, Ryan and Abby keep me pretty entertained. But sooner or later I think I'm going to have to entertain myself. If for no other reason than to prevent personal atrophy.
So I guess I'm making a goal...Goal #1: Find a hobby.
And goal #2...Enjoy it.