Yesterday we were so optimistic for a good day. Our little guy finished his 7-day antibiotic treatment and they were going to take out his pick line (a pick line is a more invasive IV line - the biggest danger is being too close to the heart. They put the pick line in, did an x-ray to see how deep it went, pulled it out a tiny bit because it was too close to the heart, did another x-ray and it was fine. Scary stuff.)
Anyway, I arrived at the hospital early - about 7:45am and the nurse told me he had thrown up twice in the night and his belly was a bit distended. He has another infection that they need to fight. They decided to do a full-round of lab work including some blood cultures and a spinal tap. They also took him off his feeding tube and he is now being fed only by an IV - which means I can't breast feed (we weren't too successful with this, but we were trying several times a day). We also couldn't hold him.
So it was a very emotional day. I have to remind myself to manage my expectations although I find it's increasingly hard to do in this case. Since we couldn't hold him, feed him as well as they were poking and sticking him with all kinds needles, we decided to go home early to get some rest.
I feel like a new woman today - even with my every 3-hour pumping schedule, I caught up a bit on my sleep.
Tony gave our baby another blessing and we both felt very much at peace. As Tony said, we understand we are on a precipice, but we still are very hopeful for a positive outcome.
Thanks for all the notes and all they prayers - they are needed as much as they are appreciated.
Love to you all,
Natalie, Tony and Baby Smart